


Forming Families (burning bridges)

by suhossineun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Birthday Party, Child Abandonment, Domestic, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Kim Jongdae | Chen, Kid Kim Joonmyun | Suho, Kim Joonmyun | Suho-centric, No Incest, No Romance, Oh Sehun-centric, Original Character(s), Other, Parent-Child Relationship, father!sehun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-18 04:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9368732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhossineun/pseuds/suhossineun
Summary: No one would think to call Oh Sehun a responsible man given all the facts of his current situation. He's 25, the rising star of his family business and the designated heir of the corporation and several valuable estates- and now also a baby daddy.But Sehun is more than determined to be a constant in his son's life now that he's been allowed in it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on twitter @suhossineun if you ever want to chat about anything

When Seohyeon comes to drop off the child, Sehun has already been pacing back and forth in his loft apartment for good two hours. The madness of the situation is not lost on him, but it’s entirely too late to do anything about it. He can’t say no now- he never really had the chance to. He feels responsible already. He always does. 

Though one wouldn’t think to call a man his age responsible given the facts of the situation. He’s 25, the rising star of his family business and the designated heir of the corporation and several valuable estates- and also a baby daddy. 

When the intercom buzzes, Sehun doesn’t bother even greeting Seohyeon and just opens the front door for her. It’s late at night already, past midnight, and Sehun wonders if the child should be in bed by now. But he supposes such things as bed time mean little in a situation such as this. For all he knows, the child will never see its mother again. 

Seohyeon knocks on the door instead of using the door bell, just like how she used to three years ago. It’s been exactly that long since Sehun has seen her last, and he didn’t think he ever would. But he supposes that seeing her standing in front of him, dressed as fashionably as always, is the least of his worries. Her heels click against the floor with familiar authority, her presence just as strong as it used to be, and she leaves the heavy suitcase barely inside the door before walking further inside. On her shoulder rests a small head full of thick, black hair, dark eyes staring at Sehun and he gets the eerie feeling that the child knows exactly what is going on. 

He swallows and pushes the door closed, his socked feet making no noise on the floor boards as he walks after her into the living room. She sits down, arranging the child’s legs comfortably as the baby rests against her, making whiny noises as it rubs its eyes sleepily before settling down again. Sehun can’t stop staring. 

“I won’t stay long,” Seohyeon says curtly. Her makeup is impeccable, her hair curled beautifully. Sehun understands nothing. He nods and rubs at his temple, lips pursed. “So you’re…” “Flying out tomorrow morning,” she confirms the unfinished thought. “This is the last thing I… have to take care of before I do.” 

Maybe it’s something to credit her for. She may be abandoning her child, but at least she saved that last before she leaves South Korea for good. 

Sehun isn’t about to praise her for anything. 

“Fine,” he sighs. He’s not often in a loss for words; he carries all the confidence of the world on his broad shoulders, and he has sat down to negotiate deals with far more imposing people than she is. But usually his business deals have to do with money, products- not human lives. 

She reaches into her handbag and pulls out a stack of papers, throwing it on the glass coffee table so she doesn’t have to hold it out to him directly. “That’s everything. Everything you wanted me to sign. Custody papers. Everything.” The wave of her hand is flippant, dismissive. As if this is not related to her in any way. But the way that her arm tightens around the small body of the child leaves a different impression entirely. 

He’s not foolish enough not to check that they’re the real deal. He picks up the papers and flips through them with the ease of someone who has to scan over countless documents in a day. It’s all as it should be; the DNA test results confirming him the father, the documentation that he’s to be the only custodian from now on, that Seohyeon doesn’t have to give him a single penny but also has no further claims on the child. 

Sehun doesn’t trust her not to come back to demand the child back next time it’s convenient for her. He’s taking the child in for life. The child is not a ball to be passed around at everyone’s convenience. 

He just hopes that this wasn’t how he came into the child’s life. That he hadn’t been kept in the dark for almost three years and only allowed in on the secret when Seohyeon felt it necessary. 

Never mind, now. He has been preparing for this for a couple of short months full of uncertainty, confusion and worry, but he knows he’s never going to be more ready than this. He places the papers back on the table, and Seohyeon stands up again, holding the child out for him. She’s pointedly not looking at him or the child at all, her eyes on the wall behind them. 

It’s been a while since he last held a child, so it’s awkward. He slides his hands up the child’s sides and into his armpits as she lets go at the same time. The small boy is clutching a soft bunny in his hands, eyes wide as he stares at him, but he doesn’t say anything as Sehun sits him on his hip. The weight of the child sits heavier over his heart.

“All of his belongings are in that suitcase. Medical records. List of allergies. I assume you have a room prepared?” She buttons her jacket back up, picks up her handbag, sidesteps him to get closer to the door. She won’t still look at either of them. The boy makes a soft noise, frowns small. “Mommy…” She acts as though she didn’t hear. 

“I’ve got this under control. You can leave.” Sehun doesn’t want to sound harsh or cold, but he’s also not going to comfort her. She doesn’t deserve any, save for the three years that she took care of the child alone- but he doesn’t assume that she did. She comes from money just as he does, and he just doesn’t see her changing diapers or waking up at night to take care of anyone other than herself. Selflessness was never one of her many traits. 

She nods small, takes a step back, nods again. “Fine,” she says, glances to the side and then finally at the small boy. Something shifts in her eyes and she’s quick to look away. Takes another step back, turning towards the door, and turns back. She bursts forward, comes up to them and leans down to kiss the child on the top of the head, hands cupping his round cheeks. She stays there for a mere moment and her eyes are wet when she pulls back, turns around and walks to the door and out without stopping. The heels of her shoes give away how she runs to the elevator but if she cries, Sehun doesn’t hear it. 

The child makes a small noise, mouth closing around the soft ear of the bunny as he stares at the closed door. “Mommy…” 

Sehun sighs and hoists the child a little bit higher. “Let’s get you to bed,” he says quietly. “Mommy’s gonna… Mommy had to go do something.” He’s not going to say it out loud; this is probably the last time the child is going to see her.

The child blinks up at him as he walks into the bedroom that used to serve as a guest bedroom but now is refurnished for the boy. Sehun is going to worry about the suitcase later, look through it in the morning. Right now he just wants the day to be over with and wake up when Seohyeon is already on her way to another continent. He reaches out to flick the light on to illuminate the dark room.

There’s a small bed pushed to the wall, a small desk with sheets of paper, crayons and coloring pens, a soft fluffy carpet covering most of the floor, the window covered with yellow drapes, a basket for toys, a drawer for clothes and a short shelf for books. He had thought of redoing the walls to match the age of the boy, but thought better of it. The boy is going to grow up eventually, and then they’d have to redo the paint again. 

Sehun has never thought anything ten years ahead, but he knows he’s in this for at least until the boy is of age. The sense of panic that won’t disappear entirely only stays under control the better his plans are. 

The boy looks around, worrying the fabric of his plushie between his teeth. “Jun sleeps here?” he asks softly, glancing up at Sehun. In his serious eyes Sehun sees a hint of something that stares up at him every time he leafs through one of baby photo albums at his parents’ house. 

“Yes,” he replies as he steps up to the drawer to get out the set of pajamas he bought for the child. He didn’t know if Seohyeon was going to bring anything with her so he prepared thoroughly- although shopping for baby clothes sure was confusing, and he wasn’t looking forward to have to do it again. But maybe it would turn out to be easier with the child actually with him. “I’m… Daddy is going to put you to bed now. This is your new room, Junmyeon. When you’re with Daddy this is where you’re staying. Doesn’t it look nice?” 

Junmyeon. Sehun isn’t sure he would have picked that name had he been given a choice; it iss a poor match with Oh, although he probably should feel glad that at least Seohyeon had the decency to make his last name the boy’s legal name. Having to go through the entire procedure of legal name change doesn’t sound appealing. But apparently the boy goes by just Jun, which Sehun isn’t sure he preferred. It sounds like something Baekhyun would name one of his cats. 

He walks back to the bed and sets the boy down on the floor, sitting gingerly on the small bed. He feels entirely out of place here, in his slacks and button down, hair still gelled back from his forehead. This is his own home but this is the most unfamiliar territory he’s ever been on. Junmyeon looks at the clothes in his hands with his head tilted, lips pursed. 

“No… No nappy?” he asks, tone serious like with everything he’s said so far. But the comment sends Sehun reeling for a moment- he thought that a child that’s almost three would be potty trained by now. He’s not wearing a diaper now but… He closes his eyes and holds back the sigh that’s threatening to escape him. Alright. So his son wears nappies, at least to bed. Seohyeon could have told him as much but, perhaps she assumed he’d know better. 

“Let’s see if your mother left you any,” he says and stands up to go get the suitcase after all. If Seohyeon didn’t put in any diapers, Sehun is in a different kind of trouble. “So do um, do you go potty in the day? No nappy in the day?” 

Junmyeon trails after him docilely when they walk back to the living room. He’s so small, a lot smaller than Sehun thinks a toddler his age should be; he’s small and skinny, only bit of chubbiness he has in his cheeks. “No nappy,” he confirms with a thoughtful nod. “But nap time…” 

Sehun nods as he pushes the suitcase over so he can zip it open. So the boy only wears a diaper to bed. That’s not unreasonable. 

He’s lucky that his ex-girlfriend thought this one through. There are nappies in the suitcase right on the top, and Sehun takes a cursory look at everything inside now that he has the thing laid open. There are a few toys, some clothes, a photo album, sippy cups, shoes… Nothing in particular stands out to him. It’s almost impersonal, nothing about it screaming that this is Junmyeon’s entire life packed into one suitcase by his mother who he’s never going to see again. 

Maybe Sehun is being dramatic, but shouldn’t this moment be a significant one? So why does the whole thing feel so casual? He’s here, meeting his own son for the first time, yet there is no background music or sense of his world having been turned upside down. That already happened a few months ago when Seohyeon first called him.

He grabs one diaper and stands up again, taking Junmyeon’s hand gently to lead him to the bathroom first. Again, completely unfamiliar territory, but he gets the boy to use the toilet even if he has to lift him on and off, and then helps him slip into his pullups. The child still doesn’t seem panicked, just tired and serious, and Sehun having expected more tears than this doesn’t know what to make of it.

The pajamas at least look adorable on the small boy. They’re purple with a sleeping puppy on the shirt and small stars printed on the pants and the sleeves. Junmyeon pats at the puppy thoughtfully before looking up at Sehun. “Daddy…” 

Sehun’s heart does a strange flip in is chest. Amidst all this he hadn’t even had time to imagine this moment and he never dreamed of this before, but he can’t deny the warmth that spreads through him. The word probably means little to Junmyeon who has grown without a father up until now, but that should change in due time. 

Sehun pulls the child close. He doesn’t dislike children- not at all. He just hasn’t had a chance to be around that many in the past, so he’s really clueless about most things. But he has been trying to absorb as much information as possible over what little time he was given to prepare. “What is it, Junmyeon?” 

“Where does Daddy sleep?”

Sehun gestures towards the door. “Down the hall in my bedroom. Why do you ask?” “If I have a nightmare…” And oh. The child wants to know where to run to if he gets scared. Sehun can understand that. He nods small and takes the boy by the hand once more. “Let Daddy show you where my room is, and then it’s bed time, alright?”

Sehun’s room, on hindsight, must look very uninviting. The sheets on his massive bed are jet black as are the curtains, the rug is grey and all the furniture is sleek, dark, harsh. The boy looks around with wide eyes, squeezing Sehun’s two fingers impossibly tightly in his hand while holding the bunny in another. He doesn’t seem reassured. 

“Daddy will leave the door open for you, okay? Now, time for you to go to bed.” He sweeps the boy up in his arms, and he thinks he might catch a glimpse of a small smile, but it’s gone before he can be sure. He lays the boy in his bed and tucks him in gently, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He’s not sure if he’s expected to stay in the room until the boy falls asleep, but he also doesn’t know how to take his leave. 

He strokes the boy’s black hair and leans down to press a kiss on his cheek. Instinct is taking over for him, which is comforting; he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to be affectionate with the boy right off the bat, but it doesn’t seem so difficult. Junmyeon is his, his only child, and now his to take care of. 

“Time to sleep…”

Junmyeon nods small and hesitantly closes his eyes, still clutching the toy in his hands. As Sehun strokes up and down his back, the furrow of his brows slowly bleeds away and his breaths even out, and Sehun gets lost in his own thoughts until he finds himself nodding off as well. It’s then that he stands up, watching the boy cautiously, but Junmyeon doesn’t stir, and Sehun slowly walks to his own bedroom. 

The full weight of his decision is finally settling on his shoulders. Becoming a parent is huge, and he never really had a say in whether or not he wanted this… But if there’s one thing he’s fully set on, it’s not regretting his decision. Junmyeon is here, and Sehun isn’t planning on sending him away. 

Sleep comes easier than he thought it would, but his dreams are listless until his inner clock wakes him up at six thirty to a world that has changed fundamentally overnight. 

*

Baekhyun comes over later that weekend. Sehun is not sure if he’s ready to let anyone in, the balance in his current situation more than delicate, but Baekhyun is not someone you can say no to. The word doesn’t exist in his vocabulary, and as determined and intimidating as Sehun can be, his friend refuses to listen. Sehun supposes that must be why he likes the man, but at times like this he wishes he’d have more tact. 

Junmyeon is playing in the living room quietly, sitting in the middle of it with his stuffed animals. He doesn’t make a sound when he plays, doesn’t talk or even hum, and the silence is eerie. Sehun gets an answer if he asks anything, but other than that the boy is impossibly quiet. He doesn’t run, doesn’t cause ruckus, just plays by himself.   
He hasn’t asked about his mother since the first night. 

Baekhyun glances at Sehun before walking up to the small boy, crouching down and flashing his rectangular smile with too many teeth. Junmyeon pauses whatever he was doing and blinks up at the strange man, his pink lips parted and eyes darting to Sehun before going back to Baekhyun. 

“Hi there, little man Oh,” Baekhyun says cheerfully with a small wave of his hand. “How’s it going?” 

Sehun’s sigh is longsuffering as he rubs at his temple. So it appears that he could be worse at this whole talking-to-toddlers thing, way worse. 

Junmyeon scoots a little bit further away, which makes Baekhyun’s smile fall. “Hello mister,” Junmyeon murmurs down at his lap. He’s so timid and clearly uncomfortable, and Sehun has to take pity on him. He walks past Baekhyun to also crouch down next to his son, stroking his hair steadily. Junmyeon looks up at him and stands up to come hug him.   
Sehun isn’t sure what he has done to deserve his trust, but he’s glad he can offer him comfort when he’s not feeling entirely safe. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” Baekhyun flails as he stands up. “Didn’t mean to, you know, scare you.” 

He’s dismissed with a wave of Sehun’s hand. He scoops Junmyeon up together with his bunny plushie, something that the boy can’t go without even for one moment, and stands up as well so that Junmyeon is in fact higher than eye level with Baekhyun. 

“This is Daddy’s friend. You can call him uncle, Junmyeon.” Junmyeon nods his head, the only acknowledgment that he registered the words. Baekhyun’s smile is back. 

“Man, it sure is weird to hear you call yourself that,” he comments as he sinks down on the couch. “And it’s even weirder to be uncle to anyone. This is going to be interesting.” 

In general, his friends had been quite shocked to hear the news when Sehun first told all of them. That he had an illegitimate child, already three years old, and he was going to take full custody of the child just like that. But none of them judged him too hard for it. “You’ve always had a better sense of righteousness than any of us,” Yixing had smiled. “In a way I’m not surprised that you’re doing this. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about this whole thing. It’s going to be tough.” 

That much Sehun would have been able to tell all by himself. 

He nudges Junmyeon gently on the forehead with his nose. “Do you want a snack?” he asks gently. Junmyeon is a bit of a fussy eater, and rarely finishes his plate of food. Sehun worries if he ever gets his tummy full, and he has already decided that the best way to ensure enough nutrition is to keep offering snacks between meals. Someone might say that it’s the very reason why Junmyeon doesn’t ever finish his food, but Sehun has a feeling that he’s doing the right thing. Clearly Junmyeon is not used to there being so many snack times happening, and he seems always delighted by the prospect; clearly he’s not expecting them, and has never asked him for anything either. 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon replies, tilting his head to rest it on Sehun’s shoulder. He’s quite the snuggle bug, although obviously a bit hesitant to seek it out himself without Sehun offering it first. 

He has an ill feeling that whoever raised Junmyeon up until now, because he doubts it was all Seohyeon, swore by the ‘children should be seen, not heard’ motto. 

They go to the kitchen and Sehun pulls out one of the Tupperware containers in the fridge where he sliced up an apple this morning. Junmyeon is not allergic to nuts, so he gets a dollop of peanut butter to go with the fruit in the container, and they get back to the living room. Sehun sits them down on the couch but far away enough from Baekhyun so that Junmyeon wouldn’t have to worry. He lets him stay seated in his lap as the boy starts to munch away slowly, Sehun reaching in to help him with the peanut butter every once in a while. 

When he looks up, Baekyun is staring at him with a serious look on his face that doesn’t suit him any better than green hair would. 

“You’re a lot better at this than I imagined,” he admits. “It’s strange. Good, but strange.” 

Sehun shrugs small, fingers playing with Junmyeon’s hair. It’s a lot silkier than his own, and so long that it gets into the boy’s eyes. He’s going to have to do something about that eventually. 

“I want to be good at this,” he says quietly. “I really do. I’m not… I’m not in this to do this half-heartedly.” He doesn’t do anything half way; it’s always all or nothing. All of his friends know as much.

Baekhyun is quiet for a moment. “He looks a lot like you, to be honest,” is what he finally says. “Only kinder.”

That makes Sehun scoff, and he shoots Baekhyun a playful glare.

He doesn’t say it but it sets him at ease to know that his friends will still joke with him like before and not treat him like he has aged 20 years overnight. He might be a dad now, but he’s still the same. Junmyeon might have changed his life but not who he is. 

*

It’s only so long that Sehun can take time away from work, but he doesn’t feel like he can send Junmyeon to kindergarten or daycare just yet. He’s not sure how the child might react, if he’d trust him to come back at the end of the day to take him home. He has just been left behind his own mother, so it doesn’t seem likely that Junmyeon would have a lot of faith in his Daddy. When Sehun asks him if he knows what a daycare is, Junmyeon simply shakes his head. 

That leaves Sehun with just one option. The boy has to come with him.

He hasn’t exactly told anyone at work about his situation. It’s none of their business, and Sehun would like to keep his privacy. He knows that people will gossip as soon as they see the boy with him, but he’ll let them run their mouths. It doesn’t matter. He just hopes that his father hasn’t decided to show up at work today; he’d rather have his parents meet their grandchild in a different setting than the office. They have yet to schedule a meeting of any kind, but it’ll happen in due time. 

But his personal assistant knows. Sehun calls him in the midst of having breakfast with Junmyeon, who’s sleepily spooning yogurt into his mouth on the other side of the table, seated on a big pillow because otherwise he wouldn’t reach the table. True to his nature, Jongin picks up after three rings. He’s so predictable, and it’s the biggest reason why Sehun likes him. 

“Did you finish everything?” he asks, sipping his coffee. Junmyeon looks up from his breakfast once but goes back to it after Sehun sends him a small smile. 

“Did you honestly have to call me just to ask me that? You should know by now that I’m reliable enough that you don’t have to check up on me,” Jongin says with a heavy sigh and Sehun can hear him rolling his eyes at him. “Yes, I did.”

But this is not just about work but about his son, and that’s why everything is so different. 

“Did you get him a sippy as well? He likes it-“ “Yes, I even got him a sippy cup. Yes. Everything’s under control, boss. Blankets, toys, books, all of it. Your office is a nursery. It’s going to be fine. Now, I have to go, I still haven’t finished my coffee and I’m not going to be able to deal with you without it. Bye.”

Jongin ends the call just like that.

Sehun wonders why on earth he had to hire one of his friends as his PA. 

*

Junmyeon doesn’t question where they’re going, but Sehun explains it to him anyway as he straps him in his seat securely. “Daddy has to go to work today, and you’re coming with Daddy,” he says, making sure that the seat belt is not hurting him. “It’s going to be fun. Don’t you think?”

Junmyeon wrinkles his nose, which seems to mean that he’s considering whatever he was told. “Yeah,” he agrees, patting Sehun’s hand tenderly. He’s such a gentle little boy, exact opposite of how Sehun used to be like as a child; he was always so rough, so wild, noisy. Junmyeon has none of that. 

The drive is silent, and every time Sehun glances at his son through the rear view mirror he’s just looking out the window while worrying the bunny in his hands. The silence… it has grown heavier in Sehun’s mind. He’s not sure why that is- wouldn’t be anyone’s dream to have a child that is quiet and malleable like this? But to him it seems wicked. Like there’s something lacking or hidden from him, and whatever it is he wants to know. A young child shouldn’t be so quiet, not making any sound even as he plays. 

He sits Junmyeon on his hip when he takes him out of the car instead of letting him walk, and Junmyeon grabs hold of the lapel of his blazer with one hand. His brows are furrowed again and he’s looking around quietly but not raising any questions as Sehun strides over to the elevator from his car.

“Daddy works with nice people,” he murmurs as they ride the elevator to the top floor of the tall building. “So you don’t have to worry. Daddy has to work but Daddy is going to be there with you. You just have to tell Daddy when you get hungry and when you need to go to the toilet. Alright?” Junmyeon nods quietly, kicking his legs idly. Sehun adjusts the strap of his bag on his shoulder, where he packed Junmyeon his snacks, diapers and a change of clothes just in case. 

They arrive at his floor without anyone else getting into the elevator, and when they step out of it, Jongin is right there sitting at his own desk. He stands up as soon as he sees Sehun walk in, tugging on his jacket, and he breaks into a smile that is far softer than what he’d ever show if it were just him. Jongin likes children, he said so himself, and Sehun is glad for that because the last thing he needs right now is for his PA to traumatize his son in some way. Jongin gives a small wave to Junmyeon and coos good morning to him. Junmyeon looks suspicious but at Sehun’s prompting, waves back at him with the hand holding onto his bunny. 

“You’re dressed so fashionably,” Jongin points out to him, still smiling. “So handsome. Did your Daddy dress you?”

Junmyeon is fashionable, Sehun made sure of that. He’s wearing a matching set of sweatpants and a sweater, dark navy in colour with the three stripes down the sleeves and pant legs and the logo printed big on the front of the sweater. His sneakers are Adidas as well and brand new. His long hair Sehun just put up in an apple hairstyle, figuring that he could allow the cute charm for his son. And he looks cute, even with the dead serious look he has in his eyes and the concerned tilt of is brows. This is all purposeful; he has zero plans to dress up his son like a slob. 

The boy gives a nod in reply, serious as ever. Sehun strokes the side of his head gently. “This is Jongin,” he says. “You can call him uncle as well. Right, Jongin?” Jongin snorts, amused, but nods nevertheless. “Yes, just call me uncle Jongin. Uncle Jongin will come take you out on an adventure when you get bored of your Daddy’s office, okay?”

Junmyeon seems a little unsure about this, and Jongin is quick to change the topic. “Does your bunny have a name, Junmyeon?” he asks then kindly. It takes Sehun by surprise; he hadn’t thought of asking that yet. But surely the bunny has a name, since it’s so important to Junmyeon. He hasn’t let go of the thing even once save for bath time, after much persuasion that bunnies don’t like water and don’t need to bathe like human boys do. 

“Min,” Junmyeon says, holding the bunny out with both hands for Jongin to take a better look. “His name is Min.” 

Jongin nods in all seriousness. “Min the Bunny, nice to meet you,” he says, and does a small bow that makes Junmyeon actually giggle a little. It’s a rare sound, Sehun has already learnt as much, and he commits it to memory. He’s grateful for Jongin in this moment, for having dissipated some of the tension and anxiety the boy was obviously feeling for being in a new environment. 

“Okay, time for work,” he says regardless, finally setting Junmyeon down but grabbing his hand instead to walk him into his office. 

It’s a spacious room, really; there’s his desk at one end, a wall of large windows on the side, and a small couch, an armchair and a low table at the other end with bookshelves surrounding them. But there are some additions to it now. There’s a blanket and a pillow placed on the couch, there are puzzles, books and coloring books stacked in the lowest shelves of the bookshelves, and there’s a small box of toys waiting for Junmyeon to rummage through it. Sehun shows all these to Junmyeon, smiling, aiming to sound excited so that Junmyeon would be too. 

He doesn’t seem like it, but agrees on a coloring book with a set of crayons to start with as Sehun goes to boot his laptop and browse through what he has to get done today. “Just let Daddy know if you need anything,” he says before getting started, receiving only a small nod in response from Junmyeon who’s doodling idly everywhere but inside the lines of the book. 

For a while that is all they do, the son busying himself all on his own while Sehun types away on his laptop. It’s a heavy silence however, as Sehun keeps glancing at Junmyeon every five minutes over his screen. Junmyeon doesn’t seem uncomfortable, but he’s a bit restless, like he’s itching for something but trying to resist the temptation.   
Sehun waits, and waits, but Junmyeon’s restraint doesn’t give in. 

It’s weird- how he doesn’t ask for anything, speak out of turn, make the initiative to do anything unless Sehun prompts him. He can’t help but wonder if it’s because the child is really that nervous to be around him, which could honestly be all it is… But there’s something that doesn’t quite seem right, and he doesn’t know what it is.

If only he could talk to Seohyeon- but she’s made her choice. She’s gone. 

“You can walk around the office if you want,” he calls out after an hour or so. Junmyeon has given up on coloring and has pulled out more stuffed animals to join his bunny, but just like before his play makes no noise whatsoever and he’s been sitting in that one spot the entire time. No exploration whatsoever. Maybe he feels he needs a permission to do that? 

Junmyeon looks up at him, startled, but then he gives a small smile and gathers his toys. Sehun watches him as he brings his toys over to him and stands next to him for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip, before he drops down on the floor and crawls under Sehun’s desk. 

He wasn’t expecting that. Sehun pushes his chair further away carefully and leans over to see what Junmyeon is up to. “What are you doing, little man?” he asks, trying to sound like it’s not a big deal even though he’s really taken back by this. 

The boy looks confused. “Why are you sitting under my desk?” Sehun clarifies, his smile a bit stiff. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to find this endearing. “Why did you go under there?”

“It’s nice,” Junmyeon replies, looking down at his lap. “Close to Daddy. Really safe.”

The emotion coiling up tight in his stomach is not affection, it’s sadness. He has no idea what the boy is so deathly afraid, why he’s so cautious and small and silent like he indeed was a ghost rather than a real boy, but it hurts terribly. 

“Daddy will always keep you safe no matter what,” he promises, his voice thick. He sits up straight so Junmyeon doesn’t see, and kicks off his shoes carefully before wrapping his legs around the small body sitting on the floor so he can rub up and down his back with his socked toes in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.

*

At the end of the work day they’re both exhausted. Not because Junmyeon caused any trouble at all, he hasn’t even once so far, but because it was just mentally draining for some reason. Perhaps because Sehun was so on edge the entire day, watching and monitoring every single thing Junmyeon did. This is their first time outside the house and so he couldn’t be sure what would happen, and clearly Junmyeon wasn’t quite comfortable in the office either. But Sehun just knows that sending him to a daycare is simply not a viable option, based on what happened when Jongin tried to take Junmyeon outside for a little while so he wouldn’t get bored.

Junmyeon had greeted Jongin happily enough, poking his head out of his hiding place, and Sehun had just shook his head at is PA who clearly wanted to question why on earth the boy was sitting under his desk like that. But as soon as Jongin mentioned that Junmyeon could go out with him and they’d leave Sehun behind, Junmyeon’s face just darkened immediately and he turned around to cling onto Sehun, rubbing his face against Sehun’s thigh with a stubborn shake of his head. No, he wasn’t going anywhere.

Helpless and not wanting to push the toddler into something he wasn’t willing to do, Sehun had to send Jongin away. But at least when Jongin came back with Junmyeon’s snack prepared for him, he had managed to let Junmyeon pull him into his lap as he ate and they made small talk over Junmyeon’s favourite foods on the couch. So all in all, Junmyeon had opened to one new adult, even if he didn’t trust him enough to go anywhere with him. 

Baby steps, Sehun thought to himself.

“Tomorrow we will go back to the office,” he explains to Junmyeon as they leave. “Daddy has to work some more. But in a couple of days it will be the weekend again, and then we can stay home. Do all sorts of fun things. Would you like that?”

He can see Junmyeon nod through the rear view mirror. “Jun likes it a lot,” he admits softly. “I like home a lot…”

“You do?” Sehun can’t hide his surprise. But his hope is shattered as soon as it was born. 

“Jun misses Mommy,” the boy whispers and the way that he’s clutching onto Min suggests that he’s far from calm now. It’s the first time he has said anything about Seohyeon though, and it’s already been several days. Something’s not quite right. 

“I know baby,” Sehun sighs, and how he wishes they weren’t having this conversation while he’s driving. His knuckles turn white where he’s holding onto the steering wheel. He considers pulling over but the traffic in Seoul is merciless and he feels as though he’s going to put his son’s life on the line if he tries such a maneuver. 

“I know you do. But you’re staying with Daddy now. What do you like about Daddy’s home, hm? Tell Daddy one thing.” 

It’s a poor attempt at redirecting the boy’s attention, but if anything, Junmyeon is an obedient child. He snivels and sniffles his nose once, twice, hiding behind his bunny as he mulls over the question. 

“I like baths,” he says finally, his voice so quiet that Sehun really has to strain his ears to catch that. “And snacks.” 

“There’s plenty of bath and snacks with Daddy, isn’t there?” Sehun agrees quickly. “Bath every night and snacks several times a day, huh?”

Junmyeon bobs his head, his apple hair swaying a lot more than his head actually does. “Jun likes that,” he repeats for emphasis. “And Daddy… Daddy plays with Jun… Mommy never played with Jun.” 

Sehun has to focus all his will power not to let his anger show. The timid boy would blame himself for it, when he’s only angry with Seohyeon. How would he ever be mad at Junmyeon? But he already knows just how sensitive to these things Junmyeon is. Just overhearing him having a stern discussing over the phone was enough to unsettle him, and Sehun bursting out at something that he said himself wouldn’t look good. 

“Daddy will play with you all you want,” he assures his son. “Daddy will always have time for you, love. Don’t you worry about that.” 

Once they make it back to his apartment- their home, that is, Sehun makes sure to wind down properly with Junmyeon. They have dinner, play together for a while, after which Sehun bathes Junmyeon and finally they watch TV together until Junmyeon drifts off in his lap. When he puts Junmyeon down on his bed and tucks him in Sehun swears to himself to get to the bottom of this- whatever it is that is bothering Junmyeon, he will figure it out.

*

Sehun keeps bringing Junmyeon with him to work but he can already tell that it’s not an ideal arrangement. He can’t give the boy all the attention that he needs and neither can Jongin, even if Junmyeon grows to slowly trust him and allows him to take him away from the office to explore the building. Junmyeon needs fresh air, needs playmates and needs attention. He plays well by himself, but Sehun can tell that he’s bored even if the boy would never express that directly. 

But he doesn’t want to send Junmyeon to a daycare. It took him so long to grow even a little bit fond of Jongin, and Sehun knows just how sensitive he is. What if he gets picked on at the daycare? What if he gets separation anxiety? There has to be some other way… 

He’s lamenting this dilemma to Yixing over the phone one evening, after Junmyeon has gone to bed. “I just don’t know what would be for the best,” Sehun sighs, sipping on his bourbon. He has cut down on alcohol a lot ever since Junmyeon came to his care because he hates to think the boy having to see him drunk, but right now he needs to relax just a little. He won’t have more than just this one glass. 

“How about you just hire someone privately? Someone who would come to your house and take care of him there?” Yixing is the voice of reason to every problem Sehun can’t solve on his own, and Sehun is eternally grateful for his friendship. Jongin and Baekhyun are useless. 

“But where do I find someone like that? I don’t know how to hire a nanny.” Yixing laughs at that, bright and soft, in a way that means no harm but he’s still most definitely laughing at Sehun. Sehun takes back every nice thing he ever said about the Chinese man. 

“Google it. I’m fairly sure you’re not the only parent who’s suspicious of daycares. There’s bound to be someone out there providing these kinds of services.” 

That is how Jongin ends up with a new urgent task the next day: to write an advertisement for the task and answer any emails and phone calls, completing the screening for Sehun before he has to interview any candidates himself. He doesn’t have the time to sort through the bad eggs, and he can trust Jongin’s judgment. He wouldn’t want anyone to hurt Junmyeon either. 

And Sehun does feel somewhat uneasy about this. He’s giving this person, whoever they end up being, a lot of responsibility and even power. They could kidnap his son, for one- they could further damage him somehow if they’re careless or simply a bad person. He needs someone devoted, someone who understands the ways in which Junmyeon is special.  
Jongin takes a solid week before he comes to Sehun with a short list of candidates. “The first one seems the best,” he says confidently as he lays the piece of paper on Sehun’s desk. “So I’d start with him. He’s got good recommendations, I called the places, and he swears that the hours are not going to be a problem and that if he ever needs a day off during the week then he’s going to arrange someone to cover him himself. His salary request is also pretty reasonable.”

Park Chanyeol, Sehun reads. 26, a degree in nursing, a few years’ experience in the field. When he was thinking about hiring a nanny he was originally thinking about a girl, maybe, but he supposes that if Jongin is so convinced that the guy is as great as he says, then he might as well give it a shot. He realizes with a scoff that he himself is a lonely man raising a child all by himself; he can’t afford to be judgmental. 

Arranging for an interview is pretty straightforward once he gives Jongin the okay to do so. Sehun considers leaving Junmyeon out of it, maybe sending him out with Jongin for it, but eventually decides against it. Perhaps Junmyeon will prove to be the best judge out of them all, and if the man doesn’t get along with his son then he’s not going to be hired. It’s simple as that.

“Today a man is going to come to my office and talk with Daddy for a while,” Sehun tells Junmyeon as they get settled in, Junmyeon crawling underneath his desk again to play. “And he might want to talk to you too. But he’s a very nice man, so, no need to worry.” 

Junmyeon furrows his brows at him, eyes piercing underneath his fringe that is kept in place by the beanie Sehun dressed him in today. He’s kept with the stylishness of Junmyeon’s clothes, and today he’s wearing faded jeans with a brand name sweater and small Dr Martens’ boots. He looks absolutely adorable, even more so with the way he’s holding onto Min. 

“Alright,” he agrees softly. There hasn’t been one single occasion in which he would have disagreed with whatever it was Sehun told him. Sometimes Sehun has half a mind to push him just to see if he’d ever say ‘no’ to him. It’s scary. 

“Alright.”

Chanyeol comes in before lunch time so Junmyeon isn’t still too close to his nap time. Jongin walks him in and leaves him with Sehun with a curt nod before walking out and closing the door behind him. 

Chanyeol is tall, and it’s unpleasant to have to tilt his head up even just so slightly to be able to look him in the eye. It happens so rarely that Sehun has gotten unused to it. Chanyeol is dressed quite formally but his smile is open at the edges, welcoming- Sehun supposes that comes with working with children. Sehun can’t afford such easiness himself. 

They sit down on the couches, and Junmyeon emerges from underneath the desk to stick close to Sehun. He bows to Chanyeol when Sehun prompts him, but otherwise seems uninterested in the stranger. This is not unusual. 

They go over Chanyeol’s CV fast, Sehun asking for more details and Chanyeol explaining everything with an air of honesty that is somewhat unsettling. Where do people this sincere come from in this day and age? But Sehun tries to trust it, even if he has his doubts. 

“So Junmyeon is three?” Chanyeol asks when Sehun pauses for a moment to try and move onto explain details of the job. Junmyeon looks up from his toys but doesn’t say anything himself, instead letting his Daddy confirm it for him. 

“Two and a half, to be exact. But he’s turning three later this year. I know he’s rather small for his age…” 

Chanyeol nods, his eyes drifting to the child for a while before he looks back at Sehun. “I see. And he’s your only child, yes?”

Sehun nods, and then scoffs. “As far as I know at least,” he says, his voice low, the corners of his mouth tilting up. It shouldn’t be funny, but it kind of is. Chanyeol seems confused for a fleeting moment before smiling back at him. 

“I’m the only custodian,” Sehun continues. “The only parent, that is.” He hesitates, and then decides to bite the bullet. Chanyeol has been nothing but earnest with him, and he’s going to have to hear the details eventually to understand the situation that Junmyeon and Sehun are in if he will be working as Junmyeon’s nanny. But this is not for Junmyeon’s ears. 

“Junmyeon-ah. Go ask uncle Jongin to take you to buy lunch for us, okay? Tell uncle Jongin he can decide what to get.” He leans over to nudge Junmyeon who stands up and comes to give him a kiss on the cheek before running off. Sehun can hear Jongin talking to Junmyeon and standing up from his desk, but he waits until they’ve made it to the elevator before turning back to Chanyeol who seems only slightly confused. 

“Sorry. I don’t want him to hear this,” Sehun says with a sigh. “The thing is… I didn’t even know that Junmyeon existed until a couple of months ago.” 

Chanyeol nods slowly, eyes focused. If he’s surprised, he’s hiding it well. 

“Apparently I got my ex-girlfriend pregnant right before we broke up. She never told me about it and went through with the pregnancy. She kept the whole thing a secret from me up until a few months ago… She called me and told me that she was leaving the country to start over with her fiancé. That she wouldn’t take the boy with her and that she was going to need me to take him off her hands. And I said yes. I didn’t see what other choice I would have.” He’s able to say this all matter-of-factly; he’s already retold this enough many times to various people. He’s not afraid of anyone judging him. It’s not his fault that he didn’t know about Junmyeon until Seohyeon thought it convenient to tell him. 

“I don’t know much about how he was raised. Seohyeon barely left me the medical records and it’s not much. I only had two months to prepare to take him in and… we’re still working on our bond. Which is why I can’t send him to daycare. I’m not sure he’d believe me if I told him I’m coming to pick him up at the end of the day. Poor thing was just abandoned by his own mother.” 

His fingers curl into fists, but the slope of his broad shoulders doesn’t tense up. He’s angry with Seohyeon, he sure is, but aggression is not a feeling that he wants to show on the surface. 

Chanyeol has listened to him intently, and his expression is serious. He takes his time before saying anything in response. “I must admit that I admire your courage,” he says quietly. “Not a lot of people would have accepted a responsibility such as this so readily. But I understand now that… Junmyeon is a special child, in a special situation. I hope that if you consider hiring me, that I could help him. Help him build a bond with you.” 

Sehun nods. “I don’t know what I’m doing half the time,” he admits, and this is the first time he’s ever said it out loud to anyone. But Chanyeol is a professional- should he not be able to help? “Being a father at this age wasn’t something I was planning on. But I love him already. I’m just… I’m just not sure if everything is okay with him. I worry…” 

He clears his throat and glances at Chanyeol again, attempting to smile. “So did I scare you away yet, or do you want to discuss things like hours and pay?” The man sitting next to him on the low couch gives a short laugh. “I would be more than happy to discuss those things,” he says in response. 

They’ve covered most of the basics by the time that Jongin comes back in with Junmyeon with a bag of takeout food in tow. “We got enough for Park Chanyeol-ssi as well, because we weren’t sure if he’d be staying or not,” Jongin explains as he sets the bag down on the coffee table. “I got my food on my desk, I’ll leave you to it. Or should I take Junmyeon with me?”

“No, leave him here,” Sehun says quickly, and Junmyeon takes that as his cue to climb into Sehun’s lap. He curls up small in his embrace, burying his face against Sehun’s stomach for a while as though he needed to confirm that his Daddy was still very much there. Sehun wraps his arms around the boy and holds him tightly while Chanyeol takes out the containers and spreads them out on the table. 

Sehun gives Junmyeon a spoon of his own to dig into the containers, but the boy mostly eats from Sehun’s chopsticks regardless. Chanyeol is watching with a smile but he doesn’t say anything until he, too, holds out a piece for Junmyeon to take. “I think you like this dish. Don’t you, Junmyeon-ah?”

Junmyeon glances up at Sehun and when he gives an encouraging nod, he dares to nod too. “Jun likes it,” he agrees, and cautiously takes the offered bite from Chanyeol’s chopsticks. 

Chanyeol uses the opportunity to start making small talk with the boy, about the food, the office, his toys that he has in there. And while Junmyeon is clearly reserved and unsure, he begins to open up slowly although all the while holding onto his Daddy while he talks with the strange man. Sehun just lets it happen, assessing how well the interaction is going, although pointedly doesn’t say this or that about Junmyeon possibly seeing Chanyeol more often in the future. 

When most of the food is gone, Junmyeon is clearly slowly getting tired, and he hides in Sehun’s embrace once more with Min clutched in his hands. Chanyeol smiles softly at that before making eye contact with Sehun. “I don’t think you need to worry about bonding with him, at least,” he says quietly. “I think he’s very much attached to you already. He’s such a cute child.” 

It does set Sehun at more ease, that someone who knows a thing or two about child rearing can tell him this much just based on their first meeting. He stands up to walk Chanyeol to the door and shakes his hand firmly, Junmyeon held against his shoulder. His nap time is getting near. 

“My secretary will call you soon. I think we’re going to go with you, Park Chanyeol-ssi. I can’t think of how anyone would be more fitting for the job. So we will see each other soon. I would like you to start on a weekend, so I can be around- just so that we all get used to each other.” 

Chanyeol beams back at him and gives him a deep bow as a gesture of gratitude. Sehun can only return it half way with the child still held to his chest. 

“I will be looking forward to it.” 

*

Chanyeol’s first work day comes on a Friday that Sehun has time off to also be at home. Junmyeon is playing with his doll house in the living room; Sehun bought him the thing after watching the way that he plays with his stuffed animals. He doesn’t believe in giving his son “boys’ toys” to play with. Dolls are not going to ruin him in any way, and if it makes Junmyeon happy then so be it. Junmyeon is a lot better suited for quiet playing rather than something boisterous and loud like racing cars. 

Chanyeol comes in dressed casually in ripped jeans and a t-shirt, and he has a bag with him. “Books and things,” he explains as he sets it down. “Sort of educational stuff. I like to have something familiar with me in case I can’t think of anything else for us to do on the spot.” 

Sehun nods in understanding and brings Chanyeol to greet Junmyeon. “You remember uncle Chanyeol, don’t you?” he says as he strokes Junmyeon’s silky hair. “He’s going to play with us today. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

Junmyeon purses his lips but doesn’t say anything. Sehun knows already that he doesn’t like routines being broken, and that is why they’re easing into this as softly as possible. They decided that today Chanyeol will mostly observe and work on winning Junmyeon’s trust, and Sehun will back off the next day. He can’t just leave his son in Chanyeol’s hands and leave, so they’re doing this gradually. He hopes it works. 

Much to his pleasant surprise, Chanyeol is a natural with children. By lunch time he’s already deeply involved in playing house with Junmyeon in the doll house, and Junmyeon is laughing and smiling along with him. Sehun isn’t so comfortable with playing, a little bit too stiff, as he sits behind Junmyeon with one doll in hand and only occasionally piping into the conversation. But what’s important is that Junmyeon seems happy, even if he’s still not speaking a whole lot. Really, it’s Chanyeol doing most of the talking; he talks a lot, Sehun has noticed, but maybe it’s for the best. 

Someone has to fill in the silence where there should be the child’s chatter. 

Sehun wonders if he’s too quiet himself as well. Perhaps if he found it as easy as Chanyeol to talk and talk, converse with a charming air about him, even if there is no response. But Sehun is reserved, himself- not exactly shy, but his conversational skills also depend a lot on the people he’s with. He can be lively and excitable, but he can also be silent and stern, thoughtful. He wonders if he’s damaging his son with his aloof personality. Perhaps he hasn’t been affectionate enough. 

He wraps his free hand around Junmyeon’s round belly and presses kisses on the crown on his head on a whim. The boy looks up and then breaks into another brilliant smile before turning back to Chanyeol who was making up some exciting story about the two dolls in his large hands. Chanyeol gives him a quick look that could probably speak volumes if Sehun knew him any better, understood his cues more easily. 

Once Sehun has tucked Junmyeon in for his nap he comes to the living room where Chanyeol is sitting on the couch. “Coffee?” he offers, to which Chanyeol readily agrees. Sehun brews them cups of strong coffee and brings them out, sinking down on the couch next to the other man. The silence feels meaningful, like they’re both weighing what to say next. 

“He’s really quiet,” Chanyeol says then, sipping his coffee. “Like- not the kind of quiet where he wasn’t verbally advanced enough to produce speech, but the kind where he doesn’t want to talk. It’s not necessarily something to blame him for. But I noticed.” 

Chanyeol noticed. He’s spent just one morning with Junmyeon and he noticed already. Sehun stares out of the window and squints his eyes at the cloudy skies. 

“I know.” His response is slow, a simple acknowledgement of the truth in Chanyeol’s words. He turns back to face Chanyeol properly. “And I don’t know what’s causing it. I don’t know what’s the matter. I… I have an ill feeling about it.”

The silence stretches on. Chanyeol meets his gaze head on, brows furrowed, lips parted. Like most of Chanyeol’s emotions, this one too is plain as day on his face. Sehun would hate to wear his heart on his sleeve like that. 

“I don’t- I don’t know anything about his mother, and I don’t want to assume the worst, but should there be… anything that was wrong, that happened to Jun in his previous home… He’s only three years old. Not even that. It’s not too late to fix anything, if you’re worried about that.” 

Sehun presses the heels of his palms against his eyes. “I know,” he mutters. “Yes. But it kills me to think that… that anything bad ever happened to him. That he’s hurting somehow and I don’t even know about it.”

Chanyeol doesn’t touch him, doesn’t say anything, just lets the weight settle on his shoulders. 

“Do you think she could have hurt him?”

How would he know? They broke up so long ago, they were different people back then. So much younger, so much more reckless- Seohyeon, to him, is a part of a different life. He lifts his head up and all he sees is darkness until it dissipates gradually. 

“She isn’t a bad person. Thing is though, I don’t think she would have taken care of him by herself. I don’t know who would have been in his life all this time and that bothers me. She seemed emotionally attached to the boy, clearly had a hard time saying goodbye too.”

He stands up, all of his frustration making it hard to just sit still. “But there must have been others. Maybe hired staff, maybe her parents, maybe boyfriends. That’s what scares me.” 

He’s imagined it, lying awake in bed when he ought to have been sleeping. His son, his sweet Junmyeon in someone’s hands who didn’t care for his wellbeing as it should have been cared for. He’s entertained ideas of violence, neglect, hurt- and his heart ached so terribly he had to go and get his son from his bed, wrap him up in a blanket and hold him against his chest for the rest of the night. Junmyeon always woke up confused when he wasn’t where he remembered falling asleep, but somehow seeing Sehun’s face had always made him smile not long after. “Daddy,” he murmured each time, pressing sloppy kisses on his lips and chin. “Daddy.”

It’s amazing how much he has grown to love his small son already. He didn’t think himself to be the fatherly, nurturing type, but seeing Junmyeon and taking care of him has allowed him to learn new aspects of himself. Perhaps this is why Seohyeon, too, went through with the pregnancy instead of terminating it. Perhaps she too found herself developing unexpected feelings of affection for the fetus inside of her; perhaps she then planned to give the baby away for adoption, and perhaps she looked into Junmyeon’s eyes after he was born and decided she couldn’t do that either. 

If Seohyeon loved Junmyeon even half as much as Sehun already does, then Sehun has no way of understanding how she could give him away like this. Yet at the same time, he’s glad she did. Without her decision he might have gone the rest of his life without knowing of Junmyeon’s existence. 

World without his son is not one worth living in. 

Chanyeol leans back into the couch, crossing his arms over his chest. “To figure that out we have to work to get Junmyeon to talk about it,” he thinks out loud. “If you can’t talk to his mother then we have to talk to Jun. It’s not an easy road but it’s a necessary one.”

Chanyeol is right, of course. Of course he is. Sehun rubs at his forehead with his fingers and nods to himself. “I hope you can help me,” he says quietly. “Since you’re the one who has been educated on these things and I’m just… I’m just a CEO wo understands more about stock markets than child care.”

This makes his newly hired nanny chuckle despite the serious mood that had settled into the room. “Look, Sehun-”, Sehun asked him to talk to him comfortably, there was no need to be formal, “I’ve seen you with your kid. Jun adores you, he really does. He loves you already. You’re doing a great job, don’t worry, I already told you. But of course I will help you. I will do everything I can.” 

How is Chanyeol so earnest in everything he says?


	2. Chapter 2

They make the transition as slow as they can for Junmyeon. Sehun stays at home for a few more days, but slowly pulls back to give Chanyeol the space to take over from him. He tries to mostly stick to his bedroom or the kitchen table, working on things on his laptop and doing phone calls while Chanyeol plays with Junmyeon, takes him to the park, feeds him, cleans him. Junmyeon seems to be comfortable with this, even if at first he runs to check on Sehun several times to make sure that he’s really there, still in the apartment. Every time he confirms that Sehun hasn’t gone anywhere he goes back to playing like nothing happened, and slowly this happens less and less. Sehun feels more justified in not taking Junmyeon to the daycare, and also more confident that this is going to work. Clearly Junmyeon is not a child that you can throw into new situations without preamble, but he is capable of learning to trust new people as well.

After a few days of this Chanyeol tells him to go out for a couple of hours to test the waters before he embarks on a full work day. If he doesn’t go away for very long and stays nearby, it should be okay no matter how Junmyeon responds to it. Sehun takes the time to meet up with Baekhyun and Yixing, two of his closest friends he hasn’t really had a chance to spend time with ever since Junmyeon arrived.

It feels quite odd to sit down in a jazz café with them as though his life hasn’t been turned upside down since the last time they did this. It’s a bizarre thought. At first he fought the idea that fatherhood would somehow change him as a person but it actually has. There’s no denying it as he finds his thoughts wandering to Junmyeon every ten minutes, and he wonders if he’s ever going to get over that. If he’ll ever learn not to worry about his child when he’s not with him.

He ought to ask his parents about that, maybe. They at least should know.

Baekhyun gives him a friendly nudge to the shoulder to bring him back from his own thoughts. “Stop making that face,” he chirps. “Jun bunny is in capable hands, or otherwise you shouldn’t have hired this Chanyeol person. Focus on us, please.” 

Sehun smiles back sheepishly. Baekhyun’s sharp eyes never fail; Baekhyun knows him too well for him to get away with anything. Yixing sips his steaming coffee with an amused look on his face and wags his finger at Baekhyun. 

“Now, don’t be so harsh on the new baby daddy. He has a lot on his plate. If he wants to talk about it then we shall.”

Sehun considers that for a moment. He imagines how it’d go, sharing stories about the life that he now leads. Maybe he could tell them about that one time when Junmyeon crawled out his own bed in the middle of the night and came to his, but instead of trying to wake him up climbed on top of him and sat on his chest which freaked the hell out of Sehun because in his sleepy state he thought he was being choked by something. Good thing he didn’t throw Junmyeon off him, and came to his senses in time to understand what was happening. Or maybe he could talk about how adorable Junmyeon looks frowning at his plate when there is something on it that he doesn’t like but how he iss too kind and soft to even verbally complain and would just chew through everything with such bravery that Sehun could only admire him for it. Or how cute and shy Junmyeon got when Sehun took photos of him to send to his parents and to make them the background picture on his phone. 

He already has so many stories to tell and it hasn’t even been that long.

He looks at Baekhyun and Yixing thoughtfully. Even though they’re his best friends, they wouldn’t understand any of it. They wouldn’t know how to appreciate it the same way that he does because all that would mean nothing to them. They don’t have children of their own, they can’t even imagine how that’s all like. Baekhyun and Yixing can’t join him on this journey, not yet at least, and while that saddens him he can’t fight the reality. 

“Nah,” he says, leaning back in his seat. “I’m off daddy duty now. So, Baekhyun, tell me, what’s new with you?”

*

There’s one thing every new parent ought to do, and it’s not like Sehun has been putting it off on purpose. But he’s a busy man, and incorporating a child into his schedule hasn’t made him any less so. His parents have grown impatient however, and are not putting up with his excuses any longer.

“Junmyeon is already almost three years old, and you’ve had him with you for well over a month. When on earth are we going to meet him?” his mother insists on the phone, and Sehun has to admit that she has a solid point. 

“Fine,” he huffs, tugging on his tie as he flips open his calendar. Jongin has it more than half the time because it’s him who makes his schedules. Sehun usually has little to comment on it himself. He knows he’s old fashioned, what with the physical calendar, but he hasn’t been able to shake the habit. So far Jongin agrees to humor him, but Sehun has a feeling that his friend gone PA might be planning for a digital revolution. Just the thought of that makes his head throb painfully. “What do you say about this coming weekend? We could come over for dinner.” Lunch is bad because after lunch is Junmyeon’s nap time, and the last thing Sehun wants is for Junmyeon to get cranky and tired while they’re visiting.

“Done,” his mother chirps as if she had been expecting him to say just that. “We’ll see you on Sunday. Text me Junmyeon’s allergies.”

Somehow Sehun is not over the moon about this.

He tries his best to prepare Junmyeon for what’s to come ahead of time. He talks about the visit beforehand, tries to sound excited. “When you were with Mommy, did you ever see your grandma and grandpa?” Sehun hopes that Seohyeon’s parents didn’t somehow manage to die during the past three years; last he met them, they were perfectly healthy, but who knows what could have happened. Seohyeon didn’t mention them when they spoke, and Sehun didn’t even think to ask. 

Come to think of it- if Seohyeon’s parents were a part of Junmyeon’s life earlier, then why didn’t Seohyeon mention them at all? Why did she not insist that Junmyeon continues to see them, or better yet, why not give them the custody of their grandchild? Suddenly Sehun feels very stupid for not asking these questions earlier.

Junmyeon purses his lips like he’s prone to do when faced with something unpleasant and in lieu of an answer crawls into Sehun’s arms with his bunny Min. Uh oh. Junmyeon getting clingy usually means he’s emotional somehow. Sehun rubs his back and kisses the crown of his head gently while he waits his son to answer him. 

“Grandma was with Jun,” the boy says then, his chubby fingers toying with the fabric of Sehun’s shirt. “Grandma took care of Jun sometimes.” 

“Did she?” Sehun hums, trying to sound interested but not too strained. “Did you like that? Was grandma nice?”

Junmyeon bats his eyelashes and he looks surprised. He clearly considers this to be an odd question. “Jun… Jun didn’t like grandma,” he admits, and his lower lip wobbles. It obviously took a lot out of him to say that out loud. “Jun didn’t like her.” 

He wasn’t expecting that. Junmyeon seems to like anyone and everyone well enough, even if he’s timid and reserved; to hear him openly admit not liking someone is strange. There’s clearly something there, something there that he needs to hear, and Junmyeon’s answer leaves him with even more questions. What could she have done to make Junmyeon not like her, and why didn’t Seohyeon ever mention her?

He’s not sure if he ought to keep pushing the issue, now that they’re talking about it, or let Junmyeon off the hook before he’s too upset to function. If only Chanyeol could offer running commentary and advice straight into his brain when he’s alone with his child. He hugs Junmyeon to his chest and rocks him from side to side, pressing kisses on his hair again. “Daddy is sure you will like this grandmother,” he says after a pause, deciding to let the topic go for now. At least he’s gotten a hint as to where he should be looking. “This grandmother is Daddy’s mom, remember? And Daddy really likes this grandmother. And grandpa, too. Daddy will be there. You don’t have to worry.”

He doesn’t get a response.

Junmyeon’s typical street fashion has to make room for something a little bit more preppy when Sunday rolls around. Sehun puts him in dark jeans, a dapper button down and a knitted sweater, leaving his hair down. At least the Adidas sneakers are more than fitting for this outfit. He’s not in a suit himself, but he knows that his parents will appreciate his chinos and casual button down. Sunday dinner calls for a decent outfit, he doesn’t want to be too casual. He realizes with a start that he’s sort of matching with his son, with the dark pants and white shirt, and when he points this out to Junmyeon the boy won’t stop giggling breathily about it. 

How much he loves his son. The thought flickers in and out of his mind just like that, so naturally.

At his parents’ house his parents both rush to meet them at the door, and Junmyeon is so startled by two new adults that he completely hides against Sehun’s firm shoulder, whimpering quietly. Sehun has to shoo his cooing parents a bit further away before takes his shoes off as well as Junmyeon’s, and then gently prompts him to greet them.  
Junmyeon’s words are so quiet and so muddled that his parents can’t probably hear anything at all, but it will have to suffice. Sehun is not going to upset his son purposefully, as things are not looking up to begin with. They both still won’t stop cooing over their precious grandson that ‘looks so much like you when you were that age, Sehun-ah!’

They walk into the living room and Sehun sits on the couch with Junmyeon, still holding him against himself. “Dinner will take a little longer,” his mother says before turning her attention back to Junmyeon. “Won’t you let grandma see your face properly, hm? Grandma has only seen pictures of you so far! No need to be so timid, little one!”

The way that she pitches her voices higher makes Sehun want to cringe and cover his ears. He doesn’t blame Junmyeon for not responding to that save for rubbing his face against his daddy. Sehun pats his back gently to try and placate him. 

“He’s a bit shy,” he says, his brows knitting together although his voice stays pleasant. “He takes some time to warm up to new people. Just give him time. He’ll be fine in no time.” 

But no such thing. His parents keep pestering Junmyeon, even reach in to touch him even though he’s clearly highly uncomfortable with the whole situation. The more they invade his space, the more Junmyeon clings to Sehun and the more determined he is to hide from them. It’s a vicious cycle and Sehun doesn’t know how to tell his parents to back off, but ultimately his need to protect his son is more urgent than his desire to be respectful towards his parents. 

“I told you to give him time,” he says finally, and his voice is firm and his scowl serious. “What’s the rush? He’ll talk to you when he’s ready to do that. It’s been a tough period of adjustment for him, you know.” With that he stands up and clears his throat. “Let’s go wash our hands before dinner, shall we Jun?” he says, voice softer now, before taking him to the bathroom. He can already tell that his parents are not happy with him, but he’s not going to worry about it right now. 

He barely manages to make Junmyeon smile at him once while they’re washing their hands in the bathroom. It’s painfully obvious how uncomfortable Junmyeon is, how he’s actually scared of this whole situation, but Sehun really can’t do much for him now.

On hindsight they should have just walked out right then.

At the table Sehun has a hard time getting Junmyeon to settle into a chair of his own, and then to let go of his bunny so that he could eat. At home Junmyeon isn’t too bothered to leave Min alone while he bathes or eats, but right now Junmyeon is clearly holding onto every piece of comfort he can get. But it just won’t do. As a compromise Sehun places the toy in his own lap, promising to take good care of Min while Junmyeon focuses on eating his dinner. 

His parents hold back a little now, especially because they can’t reach Junmyeon from across the table, and it’s a bit better. But then Sehun realizes that Junmyeon is not eating, just pushing his food around on his plate, and he knows without having to hear it that his mother is going to try and pull all that ‘you have to finish what’s on your plate’ crap that she did to him when he was a child. He has to resist the desire to roll his eyes so hard when she says the exact words to Junmyeon half way through the meal.

“How are you ever going to grow to be as tall as your Daddy if you don’t eat, hm?” she prompts, smiling at Junmyeon who’s staring at her with wide, unblinking eyes. “You can’t leave the table until you’ve eaten, so you have to hurry! Adults are almost done!”

Junmyeon turns to look at Sehun, visibly unhappy. There’s no such rules in their house, and more often than not Junmyeon is not able to finish all of the food that’s on his plate. Sehun has concluded that his son just can’t eat a lot at once, which he’s more than okay with; he’s the same himself, preferring to go for smaller meals more often than doing the opposite. He reaches out to stroke Junmyeon’s hair, combing it away from his eyes.

“You just eat as much as you can and Daddy is gonna be happy with that, alright?” he says and after Junmyeon nods in understanding, he turns back to his mother. “My rule is that he only has to eat as much as he wants, and try a bite of everything on his plate. That are my rules and that’s all he has to do.”

His mother’s mouth twists angrily and she sets her glass of water down a little too harshly. “Fine,” she spits, and Junmyeon shrinks down in his seat. Sehun has half a mind to just take him in his arms and storm out of the house, that’s how irritated he is with this whole situation. “You’re spoiling him rotten but fine. Do whatever you want because you know oh so much about how to raise a child after one month of it.” His mother’s tone is biting. His father refuses to look up from his plate.

“He’s my child and as such, I make the rules,” Sehun says as calmly as he can. “I’m happy to listen to your advice but I make the final decisions.”

When everyone is done eating they go back to the living room, and Junmyeon absolutely refuses to be put down anywhere, instead clinging to Sehun with all his might. Sehun can’t blame him for that but it’s hard to just sit there trying to make small talk with his parents when he knows his child is suffering like so. It’s not like he’s even enjoying the visit anymore, the atmosphere far too tense and he just knows that he’s going to have to argue about this later over the phone with his mother. He’s ready to go home, he wants to go home.

But before he can find his chance to make his excuses to get out, the accident happens.

Junmyeon doesn’t give him any warning, not verbally or physically. He’s unmoving and silent in his arms as Sehun holds him firmly, and maybe that alone should be a sign that’s something is wrong but Sehun isn’t that attuned to his son yet. It never even crossed his mind that something like this might happen, so of course he doesn’t see it coming. 

All of a sudden warm wetness starts to spread over his chest where he’s holding Junmyeon, and as he jerks the child back just one glance confirms what has just happened; his baby son is wetting himself. Sehun jumps up to his feet and dashes off to the bathroom with a hissed curse slipping from him, even though he instinctively knows that it’s all too late to do anything about it. Junmyeon starts crying and curls up into a ball, struggling for air as though he’s scared for his life. 

Sehun rips his pants down and sits him on the toilet, but it’s too late. All of the pee is on their clothes now, possibly on the floor as well but Sehun won’t bother with that until he has tended to his son. He reaches his hand out to twist the lock on the door, just to stop his mother from barging in despite hearing her frantic exclamations well enough.  
He tries to soothe Junmyeon with kisses and gentle words, but it doesn’t do anything at all at first. They’re both wet and smelly and the situation is more than bewildering. Junmyeon has never had any accidents like this when he’s awake; if Sehun doesn’t prompt him to go to the toilet, he’ll ask to go. To have this happen so out of the blue like this confuses Sehun more than he can say, but he doesn’t have it in him to be upset when Junmyeon is clearly so, so distressed. He just wants to comfort him and take care of him, not scold him. 

“Let’s wash you off, yeah…” 

He strips them both down, separating the soiled clothes from the ones that stayed clean, and runs them a bath. He doesn’t usually get in the tub with Junmyeon when he bathes him, but now it seems like the most efficient way to go about it. Junmyeon is still crying as well, but slowly calms down in the warm water as Sehun does his utmost best to soothe him with careful touches and hushed murmurs.

“Why didn’t you ask Daddy to go to the toilet?” he asks once most of the tears have subsided and Junmyeon is left sniveling and hiccupping. 

“’s scared,” is all he gets out of Junmyeon, but it’s enough for him to understand.

Junmyeon was too scared to say anything even though he wanted to; too scared of this grandma and grandpa. It’s clear that this visit was entirely not a good idea. 

There are some towels in the guest bathroom that they’re in, and Sehun dries them down carefully. He can put his trousers back on, but Junmyeon only has his sweater left and that doesn’t really quite cut it. He drapes his towel over his shoulders and bundles Junmyeon in the other one before stepping outside. 

“Yeah, he peed his pants,” Sehun says as a way of explanation to his parents waiting behind the door. He’s sure they guessed as much; there’s nothing to be seen on the floor, so he assumes his mother must have cleaned it. “I’m going to need to borrow a shirt for myself and something for Jun as well, so we can go home. I don’t want to take him back to the car naked, or in the wet towel. Please?”

His mother gives him a small nod and walks off towards their bedroom, leaving the men of the Oh family by themselves. His dad looks a bit sheepish, a bit confused. “Poor Jun,” he says with a sigh, and at least Sehun can agree with that. 

His father is roughly the same height as him, so one of his shirts fits him just fine. For Junmyeon though there are obviously no clothes, and Sehun didn’t think of bringing him extra clothes. A rookie mistake. So instead Junmyeon has to wear an old t-shirt from his mother’s closet even though it’s ridiculously big on him. But it’s better than nothing at all. His mother also gives him a plastic bag to put the wet clothes in, and Sehun has no desire to linger after that. They make it out of the door in record time with a haste, halfhearted promise to do this again in the near future. 

It goes without saying that no one wants a repeat of this any time soon. 

Junmyeon hasn’t said a word throughout all this commotion, and when Sehun straps him in his car seat he starts crying again. “Oh don’t cry,” Sehun murmurs to him, stroking his chubby cheeks. “Don’t cry, sweetie. Daddy’s not mad at you. Accidents happen, it’s okay. We’re gonna go home, put on pajamas and watch a nice movie together, and then it’s going to be bedtime. Daddy will make you a yogurt cup with bananas, just how you like it, and Daddy will read you books until you fall asleep. Yeah? Can we do that?”

Junmyeon’s lower lip continues to wobble and he’s clearly still on the verge of tears. Sehun wishes he could make it better somehow, but he feels so lost. He too wants to cry, out of how sorry he feels for his son. He blames himself that this happened at all- he should have protected Junmyeon so much better. 

He’s able to find a granola bar in the car and he gives it to Junmyeon to nibble on, promising him that they’ll be home soon. Just a short drive and they’ll be home. Daddy promises. Pinky promise. Junmyeon nods obediently, and he does stay quiet the entire time, but judging by the way how he clings to Sehun again when he lifts him out of his car seat in the garage he wasn’t entirely happy to be separated from him.

For the rest of the night they do exactly what Sehun promised Junmyeon that they would. It’s a success, all things considered; by the time that they’ve eaten some snacks, watched a cartoon and Sehun has cuddled him enough, Junmyeon is back to smiling even if he’s still really quiet. 

As Sehun takes him to the toilet and slips him into his pullups for the night, Sehun crouches down to be at eye level with him. “Daddy is not mad,” he says one more time. He really has to make this clear, so that Junmyeon truly understands “Daddy washed our clothes, and all is well. But Daddy wants you to know that you can always talk to Daddy no matter where we are or who we’re with. You can always tell Daddy if you need to go potty, or if you’re hungry, or anything at all. Alright? Daddy will never be mad.”  
Junmyeon shows that he understands with wet, sticky kisses.

That night Sehun is not able to leave Junmyeon to sleep alone, and instead lulls him to sleep in his own bed so he can watch over him even through the night.

*

Some time passes, the spring gets warmer still, and Chanyeol takes to bringing Junmyeon out to the park to play on the daily. Sehun is slightly upset that he can’t be there to see it, and so in the end they make it so that Chanyeol brings Junmyeon out to a park and Sehun takes his lunch out there so he can eat and watch his son at the same time. Junmyeon seems overjoyed that he gets to see his father for an extra hour a day, and Chanyeol won’t stop cackling about how ridiculous Sehun looks playing at the sandbox in his sleek suits. It does make for adorable pictures, Sehun has to admit; his tall form bent over to fit in the sandbox, his fancy suits a stark contrast to everything else, his small son sitting in the sand in front of him.

Junmyeon seems to enjoy Chanyeol well enough. Sehun is relieved; he wasn’t sure if Junmyeon would be able to trust the nanny. The visit to his parents’ proved just how easily intimidated his small son is, and he couldn’t bear to leave Junmyeon in the hands of someone the boy didn’t feel comfortable with being. 

Chanyeol is gentle and confident in a way that makes him come across reliable. He plays well with the toddler, shamelessly throwing himself into it, and Sehun has tears in his eyes every time he witnesses Chanyeol pretend to be a monkey or any other animal. Junmyeon thinks it’s hilarious as well, usually giggling and screeching the loudest Sehun has ever heard him- even if it’s still not very loud for any average kid. It encourages Sehun to goof around with his son as well, seeing that it really delights the small boy. He’s not naturally talented at it like Chanyeol is, but he supposes what he’s capable of will suffice; he can make Junmyeon laugh just the same regardless. 

He only ever wants to see Junmyeon laugh.

It’s been a few weeks of this, and Sehun has no complaints. Chanyeol doesn’t have any either- but he has a suggestion. 

“Jun needs playmates of his own age,” he comments one day when Sehun comes back home from work. “Not necessarily even every day- but occasionally. His social skills could be better, and he needs the encouragement to realise that kids his age are actually okay. You know how he’s too shy to approach anyone at the playground even though he obviously wants to.” 

Sehun looks at Junmyeon who has just sat back down next to his doll house, having interrupted his play to come and give Sehun kisses when he first arrived. Chanyeol is right. Sehun grew up as the only child and it was lonely- he doesn’t want Junmyeon to be so alone, and he wants Junmyeon to get used to other children before it’s time for him to go to preschool or wherever. He nods thoughtfully. 

“What do you suggest we do?”

Chanyeol looks sly in the way that is entirely inappropriate for his amicable face. “I’ve thought about it,” he admits, and of course he has. Chanyeol wouldn’t have brought this up if he hadn’t thought of an answer already. Sehun should have guessed. Baekhyun is the same; he poses a problem, makes you worried, and then suggests a solution that resolves the situation exactly how the bastard wants. 

“Shoot.”

“There’s this kid I babysat before Junmyeon,” Chanyeol says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “They let me go because the mother wanted to try being a full-time stay-at-home mom, but she has apparently changed her mind about that since then and called me to see if I was available couple days a week. Of course I told her no, because I’m not, but hey- if I could babysit both of the kids like one or two days a week at the same time, they could keep each other company and be friends. You could pay me less for those days, since my attention would be split between two kiddos- I could also probably take Junmyeon over to their house, too, if you don’t want a strange kid running amok around here.”

It’s a bold suggestion. Essentially Chanyeol is asking to take on another kid to make more money off of his time- but Sehun knows that’s not how Chanyeol sees it at all. Chanyeol is far too genuine, far too honest for that to be the case. There are a lot of people out there willing to take advantage of him, but Chanyeol just isn’t one of them.  
“Tell me about the kid,” he says instead, and Chanyeol’s eyes light up in an entirely new way. 

“Jongdae is four, so only a year older than Junmyeon. Super talkative, super bright and bubbly. He’s the kind of kid you’d want to shrink and put into your pocket so you could carry him around with you at all times to cheer you up. Pure happiness, that kid. Gentle and caring, any time he sees anyone even slightly upset he doesn’t give up until he manages to cheer them up. I think he’d be a good match with Jun.” 

Sehun considers all this. That sounds nice, it really does, although he has to wonder if that might be too much energy for Junmyeon to handle. Chanyeol is already all of those things he listed, and to have a child-sized version of him added to the mix… But Junmyeon gets along with Chanyeol wonderfully, so why not with this Jongdae kid? 

He crosses his arms over his chest and rocks on his heels, still mulling it over. “And what if they don’t get along? What then? Which child are you going to pick?” 

Chanyeol’s smile still doesn’t falter. “Of course Junmyeon. I’ll just tell Jongdae’s mom that if she wants this too, we can try it out and see how it goes. As is, I’m totally unavailable and she really does want me back. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind giving it a shot.” 

That’s true. Goddamn it- Chanyeol has clearly sorted everything out in his head. Sehun wouldn’t be surprised if he had already asked Jongdae’s mom for his approval, too. 

“We can try that,” he says, seeing how there’s no way for him to keep arguing against this. “But I want Jongdae to come here, and I want to be here the first time that it happens. Just to see for myself how it goes.”

Chanyeol grins at him and holds his giant hand up for Sehun to high five him. Sehun does. “It’s gonna be splendid,” Chanyeol assures him, and Sehun throws his head back as he laughs. 

“I trust you,” he replies. “And don’t worry. I’m not cutting your pay. Especially if this whole arrangement ends up making Junmyeon even happier.”

*

Sehun takes Monday off. Chanyeol shows up at 9AM, a little after Junmyeon has crawled out of bed, and the nanny sits down at the breakfast table to have a cup of coffee while the father and son eat breakfast. They’ve done their best to explain to Junmyeon what this is all about and tried to sell the idea to him; it’s obvious that Junmyeon is a bit tense, but doesn’t seem too upset. At least he’s going to have the comfort of staying at home and having both his daddy and trusted babysitter with him. 

The doorbell sounds a little before ten, and when Sehun goes to open it he’s met with a short woman a little older than him and a child that can only be Jongdae. Chanyeol comes to the door as well and greets the woman cheerfully before taking Jongdae from her arms. Jongdae is squealing in delight and is immediately hanging onto Chanyeol, obviously feeling no hesitations whatsoever about this. Jongdae’s mother chats with Sehun for a bit before wishing them a good day and promising to pick up her son before dinner time.

Chanyeol has already taken Jongdae to the living room to introduce him to Junmyeon, and Sehun hurries there to witness how it goes. Jongdae is smiling brightly at Junmyeon but the younger boy is scowling at him over the bunny he’s clutching in his lap. Chanyeol unleashes Jongdae and the boy makes his way over to Junmyeon with determination, plopping down next him. 

“Is that your bunny? That’s real cool! I’m Jongdae. I’m four. I’m here to play with you! Let’s be friends.” 

Sehun sits down behind Junmyeon just in case it might help him relax a little, and strokes his wispy hair gently. Junmyeon worries his bottom lip in between his teeth, and Jongdae keeps looking at him expectantly. Chanyeol leans in with his friendly smile, catching Junmyeon’s attention. “Tell Jongdae hyung your name,” he encourages, and Junmyeon does as prompted. He does a small bow while sitting down and murmurs his name. “I’m Jun.”

“Good job,” Sehun is quick to praise. “And how old are you?” “Two.” “That’s right. So you have to call Jongdae hyung, okay?” “Okay.”

Junmyeon’s birthday is coming up in a couple of months, so Jongdae is in fact really only one year older. But that still makes him hyung to Junmyeon, a concept that he needs to familiarize himself with. Jongdae looks like a small kitten as he keeps smiling at Junmyeon, and he reaches out with his small hand to pat Junmyeon on the arm. 

“I’m gonna take care of you because that’s what hyungs do. Can we play?” And with that Jongdae crawls up to the giant box of toys to start riffling through it. Sehun nudges Junmyeon on his feet to join the other boy, and Jongdae starts chattering immediately, creating a play for them in the blink of an eye. Junmyeon makes no objections ( he doesn’t actively agree either but it’s good enough ) and the boys sit down soon, sitting close to one another.

Chanyeol and Sehun sit near, just watching the situation evolve naturally. It’s obvious that Jongdae is the one calling the shots, but Junmyeon seems relatively happy anyway. He’s not saying much but pipes up every once in a while as Jongdae blabbers on and on. 

It’s surprisingly… uneventful, all in all. The boys play together for the most of the morning, Sehun watching over them while Chanyeol prepares lunch. They all sit down to eat together and Junmyeon is still quiet but clearly listening to Jongdae with all his focus. Chanyeol and Jongdae make a great pair; they’re all easy smiles, excited laughs, and Sehun has half a mind to ask if Jongdae is actually his own son because they might as well be related. But Chanyeol does his best to keep Junmyeon involved in the conversation even if it’s only by asking him direct questions. 

Nap time rolls by, and they tuck the boys in in the same bed. Jongdae wraps his arms around Junmyeon, who’s a lot smaller than his new friend, and smooches Junmyeon’s forehead. “I’ll sleep with you, like Min,” the boy declares, and at that Junmyeon smiles, his fingers curling in the fabric of Jongdae’s shirt. 

He does that a lot, Sehun has noticed. He likes to hold onto people, for comfort and for safety. He does that whenever he’s held or he’s sitting in someone’s lap. It’s clear that he’s already comfortable with the bubbly boy to be doing that. He leaves Chanyeol to watch over the boys so they don’t keep each other up by chatting, and goes to wait for him in the living room. 

Chanyeol emerges after twenty minutes with a soft smile on his face. “The boys are so cute,” he says in a hushed tone. “Jongdae is such a protective little hyung already.”

“You’re not worried that he’s completely overpowering Junmyeon?” Sehun asks, and it comes out harsher than he meant it to. He’s just looking out for his son, that is all. But Chanyeol doesn’t seem too taken back. 

“Jun is only going to need some time to gain confidence,” he says, and he sounds so sure. “You know that he hardly talks no matter who he’s with. He’s going to open up and start twittering just like Jongdae soon enough. How do you think this would work if Jongdae was just as quiet as Jun is?”

Chanyeol has a point. 

For the afternoon Chanyeol had prepared a small arts and crafts moment for the boys, and they cover the coffee table in plastic so they can finger paint together. Junmyeon is more focused on the task at hand than Jongdae is, but Jongdae spends more time talking passionately about what he’s doing as well as what Junmyeon is doing. It’s like they have two polar opposites seated at the same table, but somehow it works. Jongdae doesn’t seem to care that Junmyeon doesn’t always answer verbally, and Junmyeon appears to be listening instead of looking uninterested. 

By the end of the day Sehun is quite pleased. Jongdae and Junmyeon have hit it off relatively well, and he has no doubts about this arrangement any longer. When Jongdae’s mother comes to pick him up Junmyeon seems a little tired but Sehun can’t blame him; it’s been a long day of unusual amount of chit chat, and he has a feeling that deep down his son is quite introverted. At least tomorrow it’s only going to be Chanyeol and no one else with him. 

Jongdae gives Junmyeon a tight hug and a kiss as he’s saying goodbye. “I like Jun!” he declares proudly. “I’ll see you soon, Jun! I’ll miss you Jun!” It takes some persuasion from Jongdae’s mom to finally take her son with her, which is undeniably cute to witness. Sehun scoops Junmyeon up as they wave them goodbye and head back inside when the elevator arrives to take Jongdae and his mom downstairs. 

“Did you like Jongdae hyung?” Sehun asks as they sit down on the couch. Junmyeon gives him a nod in response, smiling with his pearly white teeth visible. “How so?”

“Hyung is gentle,” Junmyeon replies. “Hyung is cuddly.”

Suppose that’s reason enough. 

*

It takes some time afterwards for life to go back to normalcy. Adding Jongdae to the flow of their daily lives was smooth at first, but they all need time to adjust completely. Junmyeon is always really tired after “Jongdae days”, until Chanyeol figures out how to balance out the two different personalities and energy levels so that everyone’s happy. Junmyeon needs moments of peace and calm, needs time to process things, and Jongdae does need to learn how to calm down and not be constantly on the go, bouncing off the walls. It says a lot about Chanyeol’s skills that he’s able to make it work. 

Junmyeon always has plenty of stories to share with Sehun when he comes home on the days that Jongdae has been there to play with him. It’s positive development, to have Junmyeon make conversation out of his own free will. Sehun enjoys it, and does his best to encourage it. For the most part his stories make little sense but that’s not what’s important about them. 

Chanyeol reports to him about the progress they make as well. He says Junmyeon is still significantly more withdrawn than Jongdae, but plays a more active role in their fun and games nonetheless and has slowly started to make noise even as he plays all by himself on the days that Jongdae isn’t there. 

That’s what makes Sehun the happiest. The eerie silence when Junmyeon plays alone is unnerving, and he doesn’t miss it. He’s happy to witness it for himself; even though Junmyeon is still really quiet, at least he’s babbling to himself, making dialogue between his toys and murmuring under his breath. Sehun itches to comment on it, to show that he’s noticed, but Chanyeol warned against it.

“We don’t want to draw too much attention to it,” he said, “because he might take it negatively. Just treat it as though there’s nothing strange about it. Be nonchalant about it, you know. We want him to know it’s totally normal to do.”

Jongin complains to him about missing Junmyeon. “The office is so boring,” he grumbles to Sehun after a long day at work. “He’s such a ray of sunshine, you know? I miss him. I never get to see him now. I shouldn’t have assisted you in hiring a nanny after all.”

Sehun laughs and reaches over to punch Jongin on the shoulder. “You know you can see me outside of work too, you dumbass,” he teases. “We were friends first, working together came second. You should come over for dinner or on the weekend sometime.”

Jongin’s eyes light up and he swears that he will do just that and Sehun can’t take it back now.

Meanwhile Baekhyun and Yixing complain about not seeing him enough, but Sehun has very little to say about that. He works long days, always has, and that means Chanyeol does too; he doesn’t want to ask him to work any more than that just so that he could go out for drinks after work, or on the weekend. He has no one else to ask to take care of Junmyeon for him; he can’t ask his parents, not after the catastrophe that was their visit to their house, and he doesn’t know anyone else trustworthy enough. 

That’s the problem with being the only father in his friend group, the only single father at that. He supposes that if his friends also had children or were planning on it, they would be far more understanding of his dilemma. As is, Baekhyun and Yixing have little interest in the things that Sehun could do with his son, like go out to family restaurants or the park on his day off; they don’t understand the life he lives now. 

He has befriended Jongdae’s mother, at least. She’s a cheerful lady, much like her son, and easy to get along with despite her being almost ten years older than Sehun. She stays to chat when she brings Jongdae over or comes to pick him up, quite the talkative type, and she seems to think of Sehun and his son very fondly. The circumstances of the Oh family don’t seem to bother her even though Chanyeol swears he hasn’t divulged any compromising details to her. 

It feels good to know that if the need arose, he could probably ask her for advice or help. 

Chanyeol, of course, has the biggest role to play. He spends more time with Junmyeon than Sehun himself, and has the eye for detail to pick up on things that Sehun wouldn’t even think of. He writes Sehun reports on how their days go, what they did, what Junmyeon did, small trivial details as well as more significant occurrences that he thinks Sehun needs to know. Reading the diary is Sehun’s biggest source of happiness, stories of his own son and his daily antics that he’d otherwise miss out on. Chanyeol also takes a lot of pictures which he sends to Sehun’s phone. Junmyeon may be shy but he’s ridiculously photogenic, something that Sehun takes full credit for. 

But then, one day, Chanyeol’s caller ID pops up on his phone.

Sehun has of course urged Chanyeol to call him during the day if anything at all comes along, but Chanyeol hardly ever does. At the beginning he had to sometimes call Sehun to ask where he keeps certain items at home. But that was a long while ago already, and somehow Sehun gets this ominous feeling as soon as his phone start ringing. He just knows something’s off.

He picks up and as soon as he does, Chanyeol’s worried, panicked voice comes through. 

“Jun fell off the jungle gym and twisted his wrist and he got a big gash on his forehead, we’re in the taxi on the way to the ER right now. You probably-”

“I’ll be there, just tell me which hospital you’re headed to,” Sehun says and stands up from his desk, collecting his belongings. Chanyeol tells him the address and Sehun ends the call, and only then does he realize that he didn’t hear Junmyeon crying or screaming at all. Somehow that frightens him even more than if he had heard his son scream bloody murder. 

He runs out of his office and Jongin looks up from his computer, startled. “Chanyeol is taking Jun to the hospital, I have to go,” Sehun says shortly. “Cancel everything else for this afternoon. Just say whatever, I don’t care. I’ll call you.” 

He doesn’t stick around to wait for Jongin’s response. 

The drive to the hospital seems to take forever. Sehun cusses the traffic out loud and honks his horn at the other drivers, but of course it doesn’t make things any better for him. Minutes drag on and all he can think of is his son, his Junmyeon, being hurt and scared… and he’s not there to make him feel better, not there to take care of him. What kind of a dad is he? The guilt is immense, even if he rationally thinking knows that it’s not his fault. It’s nobody’s fault; children get into accidents like this all the time, and there’s just nothing to be done about it. You can’t raise children wrapped in bubble wrap. 

He finally arrives at the hospital and pulls out his phone as he jumps out of his car to call Chanyeol again. “Where are you?” he rasps into the phone as he runs towards the entrance of the building. “I just got here.”

“Third floor ER ward,” Chanyeol replies. “We just arrived here too, we’re still in the hallway waiting.”

Sehun sees red. How dare they make his son wait for treatment when he’s hurt?

He sprints up the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator, and runs along the corridors following the signs despite the angry glares he gets from the nurses. Chanyeol is always easy to spot thanks to his impressive height even when he’s sitting down, and Sehun’s heart drops into his stomach when he sees Junmyeon curled up small in his arms.  
Junmyeon is as pale as fresh snow, which makes the blood on his temple and cheek look that more drastic. Chanyeol is pressing a cloth on his forehead and rocking him gently back and forth; Junmyeon is clutching Min with one hand while he cradles his other hand against his chest and the tear tracks on his face and his overall expression speak of how much he’s in pain although he’s not making any sound. Next to them sits Jongdae who’s also crying, pressing kisses against Junmyeon’s hair and stroking it with his chubby little hands. 

Chanyeol looks up as he hears Sehun approach, and it’s obvious that he’s shaken up as well even if he’s not crying. “The nurse said that we’d be taken in in just a bit,” he says and Sehun nods tersely as he sinks down on his knees in front of him to be on the same level as his poor, poor son. 

Junmyeon turns to look at him, and snivels loudly as he recognizes his daddy. “Daddy,” he sobs, reaching out to him. “Daddy, it hurts…” 

Sehun takes him from Chanyeol gently, cradling him against his large body tenderly whilst trying to be cautious of his injuries. “I know baby,” he whispers, fighting back tears. He has to be strong for Junmyeon lest he get even more upset. He doesn’t want to scare his son with his tears. “I know. We’re gonna make that better in just a bit, shh. Just a little longer…”

Jongdae crawls into Chanyeol’s arms now, and hides there while sniveling even louder than Junmyeon does. Chanyeol does his best to placate him while his attention stays still on Sehun and Junmyeon. 

“I shouldn’t have let him climb up that thing,” he says, his voice low and tense with regret. “I’m really sorry, Sehun, I really am. It’s my fault.”

“It’s not,” Sehun cuts him off. “It’s not your fault. Accidents happen. It’s okay.”

He doesn’t mean that one hundred percent yet, but he knows that once the shock wears off, he will sincerely think that. Right now he’s a bit disappointed, a bit angry, but he knows that it’s not really Chanyeol’s fault. Chanyeol is a professional and would not hurt Junmyeon intentionally or by being too careless. 

A nurse walks up to them. “Oh Sehun-ssi? We’re ready to treat Junmyeon now,” she says, and Sehun gets up on his feet. “We’ll wait here,” Chanyeol says and holds Jongdae tighter. Sehun simply nods, and follows the nurse into another room. 

The doctor is already there, looking serious but friendly nonetheless. “My name is Kim Minseok,” he introduces himself. “Let’s take a look at the little patient, shall we? You don’t have to set him down, just sit down right here.” 

Sehun sits down on the bed, and Dr. Kim leans over Junmyeon to carefully examine him. He takes off the bundle of cloth to see his forehead, and the gash is a lot smaller than what Sehun had feared it would be. It’s bleeding still but not so dramatically, and Dr. Kim doesn’t seem too disturbed by it. “We will probably get away without stitches,” he says conversationally after he has wiped some of the blood off and looked at the wound carefully. “Stitches don’t usually work very well with little ones anyway. We’ll just bandage that. You’ll be good as new, little guy.” 

Junmyeon is still crying, still upset, now sucking on his thumb, and Sehun strokes his round cheek with his fingers and pats his pack gently. “Hear that? Doctor ahjussi says it’s going to be okay. We’ll just put a bandage on it and it’s going to be just fine.” 

The child doesn’t seem too convinced by that, but Sehun didn’t really expect him to. Junmyeon isn’t often in a bad mood but when he is, it usually persists for a while. He doesn’t expect him to get right back on his feet in a situation such as this anyway.

Dr. Kim nods and then gently takes Junmyeon’s injured hand. This causes Junmyeon to whimper, and Sehun has to hold him a lot more tightly to stop him from pulling away. Of course this only makes the boy more upset, but Dr. Kim examines his hand calmly, steadily, clearly used to this kind of patients. He presses, prods, twists his hand carefully, assessing the damage. 

“We might have to take X-rays of that,” he says eventually. “I don’t think it’s broken or anything, but just to make sure. Most likely a brace and pain medication will be enough. But let’s do the X-ray and then figure that out for good.”

Dr. Kim’s prediction turns out to be accurate. The X-rays is a bit of a hassle; Junmyeon isn’t being particularly cooperative, doesn’t want to stay still as instructed, and it takes both bribery and firmness on Sehun’s side to get him through it. Once the X-rays are finally done, the images show no fractures on the bones on Junmyeon’s wrist, and when the pain killers finally take effect Junmyeon is significantly calmer. All this sets Sehun at more ease, finally allowing the fear and worry to seep out of him. Junmyeon is going to be just fine, is already fairing much better than he originally was, and Sehun can breathe easy at last. 

The clean-up and bandaging process goes without a hitch, and Dr. Kim even manages to get a smile out of the tiny patient by the end of it all. He also shows Sehun how to put the supportive brace on Junmyeon’s wrist; Junmyeon clearly doesn’t like it, but he accepts it for what it is after both Dr. Kim and Sehun explain to him why he needs to wear it. Dr. Kim reminds him to ice Junmyeon’s wrist to keep the swelling at bay once they get home, and also gives him advice on the dosage of pain killers; Sehun has never had to worry about such a thing before, so he’s glad that he now knows what he’s supposed to do. He wouldn’t want to overdose Junmyeon on pain medication, or have him in pain. Dr. Kim tells them to visit the hospital again in a week or so, just to check up on how he’s healing. Sehun thanks him profusely while Junmyeon manages just one of his gentle, polite smiles.

When Sehun finally carries Junmyeon out in his arms, he’s more or less back to his usual, quiet self. His small body is relaxed and he’s breathing evenly, although he’s obviously quite exhausted. All things considered, he’s absolutely splendid. Children usually bounce back pretty easily, and Junmyeon doesn’t seem to be much different. It’s good news, because Sehun would have guessed Junmyeon to be more fragile than this; perhaps his unusually small size is what’s confusing him.

Jongdae is playing something on Chanyeol’s phone in the nanny’s lap in the lobby, but he jumps up to his feet as soon as he spots Sehun emerging together with Junmyeon. “Uncle Sehun,” he yells, rushing up to him and clutching onto his pant legs with both hands. “Uncle Sehun! Is Jun okay?”

“Yes,” Sehun replies as he crouches down so that they boys can be on the same level, to show Jongdae just how well Junmyeon is doing. Junmyeon rubs his face against Sehun’s shoulder, but turns to look at his friend with tired eyes. “He’s okay. He got a bandage on his head and on his wrist but he’s okay. He’s going to be just fine.”

Jongdae’s eyes are still swollen with the tears that he cried, his dark eyes and long lashes highlighting his upset state. It’s quite a striking image, to see someone who’s usually so carefree and bursting with energy so subdued. “I was really worried,” he admits. “Jun, hyung was really worried. Hyung will take care of you well now! Hyung is gonna look after you.” 

If that was not the sweetest thing Sehun has ever heard. Jongdae really does take his hyung duties seriously, even if the role is entirely new to him.

Chanyeol walks up to them as well, pocketing his phone, and crouches down with Sehun. He holds his hands out and Junmyeon goes into his lap easily, curling up small there contently. There’s blood on Chanyeol’s shirt everywhere, and he looks absolutely disheveled. It really wrenches at Sehun’s heart to see. “Hyung is really glad you’re okay,” he murmurs, kissing the crown of Junmyeon’s head. Sehun flashes him a tired smile before standing up again. 

“Let’s all go and eat something yummy. I think we’ve all deserved as much, haven’t we? Where’s the nearest McDonalds?”

Chanyeol laughs softly as he stands up, scooping Jongdae up as well so that he has both boys in his arms. “As the official nanny, I approve of this plan,” he replies, and he sounds more like his usual self now. “Let’s go, boys.”

It sets Sehun oddly at ease to see how much both Chanyeol and Jongdae care for Junmyeon. Clearly to Chanyeol Junmyeon is not just a job, not just a professional responsibility, but a real human being to look after. Sehun feels sorry for Jongdae, who seems to really have taken this all to heart. It was probably equally scare to witness the state Junmyeon was in as it was for the little patient himself. He hopes Chanyeol already took care of some of that shock, although he will have to explain what happened to Jongdae’s mother later… But he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it. 

Together they head to Sehun’s car, Chanyeol sitting with the boys in the backseat. Sehun only has one baby car seat, but they have to make do without for now. This is a special circumstance after all. He drives them to the nearest fast food establishment as promised, and by the time they get inside the restaurant Jongdae seems already to be back to normal. Junmyeon is quiet and obviously tired, probably a little groggy with the pain medication, but the prospect of french fries and a milkshake seems to really cheer him up as well. 

This all feels so good, so natural, Sehun realizes as they sit around the table together, all of them eating and chattering together. The boys might as well be brothers, that’s how naturally they act together; Jongdae feeds Junmyeon fries one at a time in between taking bites himself, and they talk quietly about this and that, the conversation flowing effortlessly between them. Chanyeol is watching them fondly and reaches out to clean their cheeks every once in a while, or save them from food falling on their clothes, helping Jongdae with his hamburger and picking out the yucky pickles so Jongdae doesn’t have to eat them. 

This feels good. It’s… It’s not how Sehun would have imagined his life to be until he was maybe in his late thirties. But now that he’s here, he wouldn’t give this up for anything, ever. 

It’s not like he needed a reminder of how much he cares for Junmyeon, but today’s accident did show just how much he loves his son. The scare that he got, how much it hurt to see his son in pain… He doesn’t want to live through that ever again, and he swears again to protect his son at all costs for as long as he lives. 

He loves Junmyeon than he ever thought it was possible to love another human being.


	3. Chapter 3

Junmyeon covers from the little accident just fine. Sehun needs to give him painkillers for a couple of days afterwards but his mood seems to be back to the way it should be and overall he’s a brave little patient. The brace doesn’t really hold him back and while he mentions the bandage on his forehead to be itchy once the wound scabs over, it’s all there is to it. 

To Sehun it seems as though he’s the one who’s more shaken by this whole thing. He has half a mind to tell Chanyeol not to take Junmyeon back to the jungle gym anymore, but he catches himself on time. He has no desire to limit Junmyeon from doing the things that he wants, and he doesn’t want his son to be left with permanent phobia of heights or anything of the sort thanks to this. Accidents and mishaps such as this are bound to happen and even though he wants to shelter his son, he can’t be a helicopter dad. He won’t let himself do that. 

Jongin finally takes the time to come and visit them one weekend. He even brings Junmyeon a gift; a giant teddy bear that’s at least twice as big as the small toddler. It makes Junmyeon positively ecstatic, kind of joy and emotion Sehun has rarely seen him display although he has gotten slightly better at expressing his emotions overall.

“Say ‘thank you’ to uncle Jongin,” Sehun prompts as Junmyeon hugs the toy tightly to his chest despite how much bigger than him it is. “C’mon.”

Junmyeon smiles bashfully up at smiling Jongin and does a small bow as Sehun has instructed him to do. “Thank you,” he says before darting towards his play corner in the living room, too excited to wait around for the adults. Sehun and Jongin share a laugh before following along to sit on the couch together. 

“The place really has changed since I last visited,” Jongin comments, looking around. There’s no denying it; Junmyeon’s presence in the house has definitely taken over what was once sleek interior. Now there’s an area with padded tatami mats in the corner where Junmyeon plays, a basket for his toys and his giant doll house, not to mention the toys littering the rest of the space. Chanyeol does a good job of tidying up the place while the boys nap, but nothing is enough to keep everything entirely in place. 

“Couldn’t be helped,” Sehun admits with a shrug. It feels a bit strange to have Jongin in his apartment when they usually only see each other at work nowadays. Sometimes he does regret hiring Jongin to work for him. He’s not sure if he lost a part of their friendship to work that they won’t be able to get back until Jongin moves onto work somewhere else. 

But Jongin is all easy smiles and easy posture as he gets comfortable. He’s only dressed in an old band tee and ripped jeans, an outfit that would be entirely unfit for the office- Jongin looks sharp in his suits, but Sehun has to admit he likes him like this even better. 

“I think it’s nice. Before this place had no soul but Jun has breathed life into it- into you. I like it. Now, did you order us food yet? Because if not then you’d better get on it. I’m starving.” 

Sehun laughs out loud and pulls out his phone to do as Jongin says. Maybe he hasn’t lost Jongin after all. 

They get their gamjatang roughly 45 minutes later, and while the traditional Korean dish would probably be better suited for either beer or soju, all Sehun has in his fridge is wine. He hasn’t really been drinking anything alcoholic ever since Junmyeon came, but he supposes one glass can’t hurt. He’s just kicking back with a friend while having a good meal, not binge drinking to get hammered. 

He brings out the glasses and the bottle to the living room where they’ve decided to eat, because there’s a show on the TV Jongin insists he should see. Jongin hoots and opens the wine for him before pouring them both a glass, and they clink them together once with happy smiles before digging into their meal. Sehun uses his chopsticks to pull out pieces of potatoes from the stew onto a separate plate and chops them down a little before scraping off some delicious meat off the bones in the soup as well, promptly preparing Junmyeon his portion to cool down on the side for a bit. Junmyeon is too immersed in his play to notice what the adults are up to, and only comes on over when Sehun calls out to him.

But the look on Junmyeon’s face when he sees what’s on the table is as though he’s seen a ghost, and he runs off with a whimper, heading to his room and shutting the door with a loud bang before Sehun can as much as react. Silence lingers in the apartment, deafening after what just took place, and Sehun understands nothing. 

“What- what was that?” Jongin asks tentatively. 

“I don’t know,” Sehun murmurs and sets his chopsticks down to go after Junmyeon. 

He knocks on the door gently and when he doesn’t hear anything in response, pushes the door open. At first he doesn’t see Junmyeon at all, but then he hears his sniffles and locates them to the bed. Except that Junmyeon is hiding underneath it, and evidently crying his little heart out. 

Sehun lays down on the floor on his front to peer at his son. Junmyeon is curled up as small as can be, and most Sehun can see of him is the back of his head and his trembling back. He tastes bile at the back of his throat; this is not something that should be happening. Junmyeon was so happy just moments ago- what went wrong?

What terrible memory did he unintentionally trigger?

“Jun,” he says gently, and Junmyeon whimpers again. “It’s Daddy. I know you’re scared but… But Daddy doesn’t know what scared you so bad. Could you please tell Daddy? Daddy wants to make it better.”

He reaches under the bed slowly and finally his fingers touch Junmyeon’s hair. He brushes it slowly, gently, and when Junmyeon doesn’t try to jerk away from it keeps doing it. He hopes it’s at least somewhat calming. “Please tell Daddy. Daddy will make it better. Daddy will fix it.”

Junmyeon’s response is so quiet and so muddled by his snivels that Sehun almost misses it entirely. “Daddy was drinking,” he whispers, and the way that he says the word makes it entirely too loaded to be coming from a child’s mouth. 

Sehun’s blood runs cold in his veins. He’s quick to put two and two together, and he doesn’t like the outcome at all. He grits his teeth to swallow back his anger once again- he’s had to do that a lot as of late. Never because of Junmyeon, never, but because of the things that have clearly been done to him. How he absolutely loathes that he didn’t have custody of his son ever since he was born. 

“Daddy didn’t drink anything yet,” he says instead. “Uncle Jongin didn’t either. Daddy promises we didn’t. Nothing’s going to happen. You’re safe, baby.”

Junmyeon snivel and then twists around so that he’s finally facing Sehun. “Daddy promise?” he asks, and his doe eyes are deep as the Han river with emotions Sehun would rather take away from him forever. 

“Daddy promises,” he says in response, and holds up his pinky to Junmyeon now. He knows that pinky promises are a big deal to Junmyeon, thanks to Chanyeol and Jongdae, and he hopes that it’s enough to make Junmyeon feel safe again. He’s aching to hold his son in his arms and take him out of his cramped hiding space under the bed. 

Junmyeon hiccups and wraps his tiny pinky around Sehun’s, and they bring their thumbs together to seal the deal. With that done, Sehun reaches in with both arms and slowly pulls Junmyeon out to embrace him, rocking him back and forth like he’s prone to do whenever he’s holding his son. “Nothing bad will ever happen to you,” he promises. “Daddy won’t let anything hurt you. Did your Mommy used to drink wine, baby?” 

He barely feels Junmyeon’s nod, but it’s enough to confirm his suspicions. “Mommy wasn’t nice when she drank wine?” he asks next, and again Junmyeon nods. 

He can imagine it. Seohyeon was not a cute drunk, wasn’t three years ago and hasn’t probably changed. Of course this is not the same thing, he was only going to have just one glass with Jongin, but Junmyeon doesn’t know that. Junmyeon doesn’t know that people can drink just a little bit and not be nasty, not be scary. 

He’s going to teach that to Junmyeon one day, but tonight is not the right time to do that. He dries Junmyeon’s cheeks and then stands up, still murmuring comforting promises to him as they walk back into the living room. Jongin looks relieved to see them, but Sehun is not quite done here. He takes his own glass of wine and tells Jongin to grab his as well as the bottle. 

“Daddy is going to pour this away now,” he tells Junmyeon with a serious look as they walk to the kitchen. Junmyeon is staring at the half full glass in his hand as though it’s explosive somehow, like its mere presence is enough to hurt him, and Sehun never wants to see that look on his face again. 

Determinedly, he steps up to the sink and tilts the glass until the liquid pours out. “Bye bye, wine,” he says, and gestures for Jongin to do the same for his glass as well as what’s left in the bottle. Jongin masks his confusion well and does as he’s told without questions, even playing along in waving the alcohol goodbye as he does so. 

Junmyeon isn’t exactly smiling but he seems significantly calmer now. Sehun hoists him up a little higher and they head back to the living room where he sits his son in his lap. At least the food should be adequately cooled down, now, if he has to name one silver lining to all this. 

He feels so emotionally drained but also like he could burst any moment. It’s a weird contradiction to experience and his hands are shaking as he tries to use the chopsticks, but he pushes through it. They’re going to move on from this, have a fun night, and enjoy the food. He’ll explain to Jongin what happened sometime later, when Junmyeon won’t be there to hear it. At least then Sehun will be able to fully express his anger and won’t have to hold back. 

Jongin leaves when Junmyeon starts to get sleepy so that Sehun can put him to bed without distractions. He hugs Junmyeon tightly and covers him in kisses before heading to the door with Sehun. “No need to explain, and don’t you dare apologize,” Jongin says to him as he slips on his shoes. “I had a fun evening, trust me. I missed that little rascal, and I missed you. Let’s do this again, yeah? I’ll schedule you a pizza night with me next week.” He stands up straight and gives Sehun a warm hug as well before walking right out. 

It’s in moments like these were Sehun appreciates Jongin the most. 

*

Sehun tells Chanyeol about the incident over the phone on Monday when the boys are napping. He needs solid advice from someone more knowledgeable than him, and Chanyeol has already proved himself trustworthy ten times over. Sehun may be fumbling with the new found information, but Chanyeol will help him make sense of it. 

He recalls the whole chain of events, and also fills Chanyeol in on Junmyeon’s comments about his maternal grandmother as well as recounts how the visit to his parents’ house went. It’s the most intel he has on Junmyeon’s troubled past; he doesn’t want to force Junmyeon to talk about it until he’s ready, and he doesn’t want to try and reach Seohyeon to ask her. He might not be able to stay civil- he’s already considered suing her for mistreating Junmyeon like she clearly has, but then figured it wouldn’t be worth it. It would probably only be traumatizing to Junmyeon and he can’t have that. It frustrates him to think that Seohyeon will get away with what she did, but he has his son to focus on now. Letting Junmyeon heal is going to be his revenge. 

Chanyeol is quiet at the other end of the line, but Sehun is patient. He knows that this is a lot to take in. He understands fully how much Chanyeol cares for Junmyeon and hearing about this must be upsetting to him. He’d rather Chanyeol weighs his words first. They need to stay calm and level-headed, both of them. 

“The thing about the wine is obvious enough,” Chanyeol’s low voice finally says. “Jun’s mother must have had quite a bit of wine at least from time to time, and it must have resulted in unpleasant behavior. Not that it was necessarily violence or abuse. Even jovial, happy drunk adults can be scary to a child. But her not understanding that is no excuse, obviously.”

He’s right, but Sehun is not looking for explanations or excuses. He doesn’t need to understand why because he’s not planning on forgiving Seohyeon. All he needs to know is what to do now. 

“Do you think I should ask Junmyeon about his grandmother? Even if it makes him upset?” he wonders, twirling his fountain pen in his hand. Really he ought to be working, but it’s impossible to focus with this weighing on his mind. 

“You could,” Chanyeol replies. “It won’t do any permanent damage, I promise.”

That’s something Sehun will have to consider carefully. Causing distress to his small son is not something to be taken lightly, but if Chanyeol is giving him the okay… He feels a bit less uncomfortable about the idea. “How do we help him? How do we make sure he moves on? I just want him to be happy and live without fear…”

A silence follows as Chanyeol ponders his words once more. “He’s already moving on,” he assures Sehun gently. “He really is. You could take him to a psychologist if you want. I’m not exactly an expert on trauma like this but in general what we can do is encourage him, love him. Nurture him to the best of our ability. It probably sounds really vague and I get that’s frustrating, but time is what heals wounds like this the best.” 

A step-by-step guide would have been more comforting indeed, but Sehun has come to accept that there are no easy ways out in life in general. It’s not like he doesn’t know what it means to work long and hard for a faraway goal- it’s just never been his own son’s happiness before. But you can’t build Rome in a day, can you?

“I’ll give it some thought,” he sighs into the phone. “Thank you, Chanyeol. Sincerely, thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Good thing you’ll never have to find out,” and he can practically hear the grin in Chanyeol’s voice. “You should thank Jongin instead, for finding me, huh? Anyway, I gotta go. I think I hear the boys giggling and they shouldn’t be doing that, I swear.”

Sehun laughs and disconnects the call with a lighter heart. If he could, he’d have Chanyeol’s good mood and bubbly spirit extracted into a bottle to take whiffs of every time he feels worried. He doesn’t know when it happened, but Chanyeol has also become a friend to him instead of just an employee, and he feels grateful for that. At least Junmyeon is being taken care of by someone who’s more like family than anything else.

*

A couple weeks later summer is in full swing, or so it feels like despite it only being early May. At least the heat isn’t unbearable yet like it will be when summer actually comes to South Korea, and Chanyeol is keen on making most of it with the two toddlers. 

“Take a day off,” he tells Sehun. “Come with us on a day trip. The boys would love it. You don’t want to miss out on the cuteness.”

“Where exactly would we be going?” Sehun asks. He’s already prepared to say yes because Chanyeol is right; he doesn’t want to miss out on anything so special as a day trip. He has to live vicariously through Chanyeol enough as is. 

“I was thinking about a petting zoo,” Chanyeol says with a grin. “It would be educational for the boys, but also a ton of fun. What about it? Just don’t wear anything that you can’t have smelling like a farm and you should be all good, mister CEO.”

Sehun punches Chanyeol in the shoulder with a playful scowl. “You talk to me like that and expect me to agree to your plans? You’re not really a master manipulator, Park Chanyeol.” But it’s a deal regardless. He’s going to arrange for a day off and tag along.

Junmyeon is overjoyed when he hears about it. He clings to Sehun with all his might, even dropping Min in the process, and covers Sehun’s face in sloppy, eager kisses much like a puppy would. He has gotten more and more openly affectionate with his father, which Sehun is so happy for. Nothing makes his heart soar quite like his son’s affection. 

“Daddy is coming with us!” he chirps merrily, nuzzling his sticky cheek against Sehun’s stubbly one. “Daddy comes with Jun! To the zoo!”

Sehun spins them around to make Junmyeon giggle even more and kisses him back. “Yes, Daddy is coming with you. We’re going to pet cute animals, take pictures, and have an awesome time. It’s going to be so fun!”

He can barely put Junmyeon to sleep that night, that’s how excited for the trip the small boy is. It has Sehun wondering if he should really just take a leave from work, hire someone else to do the heavy lifting for him; he could make his son this happy every single day, if he were to stay home- so why doesn’t he? But it’s a question for another day. It’s entirely too late to be making any drastic life changes. 

He wakes up in the middle of the night to Junmyeon crawling into bed with him and hiding against his side under the covers. “What’s the matter?” he asks, his voice groggy with sleep, fingers slipping into Junmyeon’s hair. 

“Is Daddy really coming with us?” Junmyeon asks, and the way he slurs his words suggests that he’s still half asleep. Sehun hums softly and rubs Junmyeon’s back steadily with his other hand. “Yes, Daddy really is coming with you. Daddy wouldn’t lie about that. Daddy doesn’t lie about anything. Now sleep, baby…” 

“Pinky promise?” And Junmyeon’s hand slips into his, small but insistent. Sehun returns the gesture, their pinkies linking together like so many times before. 

“Pinky promise.”

The morning greets them with overcast skies, but that doesn’t dampen the good mood at all. Chanyeol comes early as usual, and much to his amusement finds both the son and the father still fast asleep in bed. He snaps pictures of this to show Sehun later before he gets to preparing breakfast. He’s more than comfortable in the Oh household by now, and he doesn’t hesitate to dig into the cabinets and the fridge to pull out breakfast ingredients. On most days Chanyeol cooks for the boys for lunch, sometimes also dinner, so he’s really familiar with the kitchen. 

It doesn’t take long for Junmyeon to stir, ever the one to follow his sleep schedule to a t, and he squirms, hugs and kisses his daddy awake before they both head to the kitchen. They walk into the room to find Chanyeol busy preparing food and the table already set, and the nanny hasn’t forgotten to turn on the coffee maker either. Sehun grins at him and sets Junmyeon down so he may run to greet his favourite babysitter of all time with hugs and kisses. 

“Man, this is great,” Sehun muses as he pours Chanyeol and himself cups of coffee. “I could get used to waking up to this.” Chanyeol just laughs and sends him a murderous glare. “Don’t you dare to make me come here an hour earlier,” he threatens with his spatula. “I am not up for it.”

“Got it, got it.” Sehun sits down to nurse his coffee and soon the food is on the table. Jongdae arrives just on time to join them, although his mother says he already had breakfast at home. But Jongdae insists that a second breakfast is only going to do him good, and so they sit him down next to Junmyeon as usual. The boys are soon immersed in conversation talking about what they’re going to see at the zoo today, chattering about it excitedly. 

This was honestly such a good idea, seeing how joyous the boys are about the whole thing. They had invited Jongdae’s mother to come along as well but she declined, so it’s going to be just the four of them. The days that Jongdae spends with them are days for her to get things done, go out, have time for herself, and Sehun supposes he understands her point of view there. They’ll take lots of pictures, so Jongdae’s parents aren’t missing out on anything. 

Once the boys are fed and Junmyeon is dressed, and once Sehun is also fully clothed, they head out. Sehun drives them to the zoo in his car; Jongdae’s mother left their car seat for them, so Jongdae is safely trapped in this time. The boys don’t stop talking the entire time, although Chanyeol does his best to redirect their energy into recounting all the noises that zoo animals make. It’s loud, overall, with Chanyeol’s rampant enthusiasm in impersonating all the animals for the boys, but it makes Sehun smile despite himself.

It’s a weekday, so the parking lot at the petting zoo is not full at all. It’s great; it means they won’t spend the day waiting around in lines or fighting other toddlers to get a chance to interact with the animals. As soon as Chanyeol sets Jongdae down he’s already zipping down towards the gates and the tall man has to run after him to snatch him up before he disappears; the boys both get a stern talk about how they absolutely can’t run away, and Chanyeol has the foresight to write his phone number on pieces of tape that he secures on the back of the boys’ shirts. Junmyeon at least is too timid to go very far from familiar faces, but Jongdae clearly can’t be trusted out of sight even for a moment. 

They buy the tickets and go inside. They head over to the first area of enclosures, and to their delight find bunnies there. There’s lots of them in different colours, and the boys are excited about the fluffy creatures. “Look, Jun! They’re like Min!” Jongdae points out and Junmyeon giggles in excitement, clutching his hyung’s hand in his. “Can we pet them?”

Indeed they can. The employee working with the bunnies even lifts the boys into the cage with them to feed them, and the boys are so engrossed in petting and kissing the bunnies that Sehun and Chanyeol can’t resist cooing out loud at the sight. There’s just something about small animals with small children that could make even the blackest of hearts melt, and Sehun already has such a soft spot for both his son and the other boy. 

Chanyeol at least has the common sense to take out his phone to take pictures, and it’s then that Junmyeon looks up from the bunnies to his father. “Daddy! Daddy, come. Come pet bunnies with us!” he pleads, and Sehun absolutely doesn’t have the heart to say no. He steps over the fence into the enclosure and carefully makes his way over to Junmyeon and Jongdae to squat down next to them.

“They’re really cute, aren’t they?” he asks, and both of the boys agree enthusiastically. The employee tells the boys some of the names of the bunnies and they feed them lettuce, laughing and screeching in excitement. Luckily the bunnies seem used to overeager little helpers, and aren’t very disturbed by the commotion. 

In the next enclosure they have chickens, and the boys stare at them in wonder. Bunnies are one thing- a common theme in children’s books, movies, the like, but chickens they’ve never seen anywhere. Chanyeol does a good job at explaining the egg thing, and the boys are thoroughly impressed by that. They’re allowed to feed the chickens by tossing seeds out for them, and Jongdae is brave enough to let one chicken peck seeds straight out of his palm but Junmyeon is entirely too terrified of the idea. They move on before Junmyeon’s tolerance of remotely scary things wears down entirely, because there for sure are going to be other animals here that are going to be unnerving. 

The mini pigs are a huge hit with the boys, mostly because of the obstacle course that the employee leads the pigs through with treats as well as the tricks that they know. “They’re as smart as dogs” she shares with the boys, after she teaches them to tell the pigs to sit and then give them treats afterwards. The boys are amazed and enamored, but Sehun just prays he’s not going to be faced with any tough questions about the ethics of eating meat next time they have pork for dinner. 

The petting zoo has lots of small animals, like pet rats, hamsters, Guinea pigs and the like. They even have a couple of ferrets, which immediately steal Chanyeol’s attention. “I used to have one when I was younger,” he admits, a little bit sheepish, as he holds one ferret in his giant hands. “I love these creatures.”

“Why do you not have one now?” Sehun asks and Chanyeol’s expression turns slightly remorseful. “I’m allergic,” he says with a sigh. “Little while is alright, but I can’t own one anymore. It’s such a struggle, really. Ironic that as someone who loves animals I have to be allergic to them, huh?”

Sehun pats Chanyeol on the back as comfortingly as he can muster. 

Then they find the ponies, and the boys absolutely can’t contain their excitement particularly after they find out that yes, you can ride them. “Daddy, Daddy, please!” Junmyeon clings to him to beg- not that he ever had to, because Sehun is weak and what Junmyeon wants, Junmyeon gets. But Junmyeon wants him there for the entire time; Sehun lifts him up on the saddle and as the staff member leads the pony along the short route that they have, he holds his son and makes sure he doesn’t keel over at any point. Junmyeon’s expression is a mix of intense concentration and joy, and it’s entirely too adorable.

The boys insist on riding the ponies for two rounds before they’re even remotely satisfied, and Sehun is now considering putting Junmyeon in riding classes- when he’s a bit bigger, physically at least. He’s enthusiastic, sure, but as of right now there’s not a horse small enough for his short stature. Maybe in a year or two. 

The boys have energy for roughly hour and a half before Jongdae starts to go a little haywire, and Junmyeon is a bit huffy and pouty even if he’s entirely too kind to actually get cranky. Concluding that it’s time to wrap it all up before the boys are too exhausted, they head out back to the car and to a restaurant to eat lunch. While they eat Chanyeol shows Sehun the pictures he took, and Sehun to his own surprise notices that his eyes are watering as he looks through them. These are the first proper pictures he has of himself and his son together, and the candid happiness on both of their faces tugs at his heartstrings in an entirely new way. He’s going to print these and put them everywhere in the apartment, he swears. He wants to remember these kinds of moments forever. Chanyeol kindly pretends not to notice him wiping the corners of his eyes to get the suspicious moisture away. 

*

“What if I only came to work four days a week? Three days a week?” Sehun proposes Jongin on Monday when Jongin is done briefing him on the day’s meetings. It’s not a serious suggestion. He hasn’t thought it through a whole lot yet, but the idea lingers. He’s at the top of the command chain- surely that much could be arranged. 

Jongin raises a suspicious brow at him and flicks his blond hair out his eyes with a jerk of his head. His intense stare makes Sehun squirm in his seat like he’s being scolded by his own father for screwing up the books or something of that nature. He doesn’t like the feeling. But Jongin has always been an old soul, and as such the one to keep Sehun in check when his temperament threatens to get him carried away. 

“Just an idea,” he mutters, looking away from Jongin, twirling his foundation pen in his hands. He should have talked to Baekhyun instead- the guy knows how to get excited about other people’s stupid ideas and make them even crazier. Baekhyun is your ultimate hype man when you need that extra push before the leap of faith. Jongin is too practical. That’s probably why Jongin works for him and Baekhyun doesn’t. 

Jongin clears his throat and shifts the stack of papers from one arm to the other. “It’s because of Jun, isn’t it?” he asks softly. “You wouldn’t be cutting your hours otherwise. Have you thought of the practicalities at all?”

Sehun shakes his head. He hasn’t gotten that far quite yet. It has really only been a persisting thought ever since surprising Junmyeon with the day trip to the petting zoo. That night, when Sehun was putting Junmyeon to bed, Junmyeon had sleepily whispered to him about how happy he was that his daddy came with them. “Jun likes having Daddy… Jun really likes Daddy…” he had murmured before drifting off, leaving Sehun blinking away moisture from his eyes. Maybe just two days a week spent together wasn’t quite enough for the small boy, who yearned Sehun’s love with every inch of his being. 

“We could probably squeeze your work into four days,” Jongin says, rocking back and forth on his feet like he’s prone to do when he’s considering something carefully. “I’m not sure about three. We might have to delegate some things to others…” 

The thing is, even though he should have quite a lot of freedom as the future head of the company, it works the exact opposite. A lot of his work is something most other people can’t do for him. For the majority of his time he sits in meetings, gives his opinions on things or is preparing for another meeting. Jongin already does the mundane part of his job. If he wants to give up a part of his work, he has to push that load onto someone else on the same level as him. That essentially means just his own father. There really isn’t no one else. 

But this is something he wants to make work. He wants to be the best possible dad he can, for Junmyeon’s sake. Has he really done his all if he doesn’t even make the effort to arrange more time with him when he so clearly craves it? Time spent with Chanyeol and Jongdae is indispensable for Junmyeon’s overall development; he has started to speak more, express himself more much thanks to Jongdae’s positive example, and Chanyeol has the kind of pedagogical knowledge Sehun himself lacks that a traumatized child like Junmyeon benefits from. But Sehun would still like to think that he, as his father, still has something to give that Junmyeon can’t receive from his nanny or his friend. Especially so because he’s Junmyeon’s only parent now, and probably will be for a good long while. Sehun has little plans to get married, especially now that he has Junmyeon’s best interest to think about. Last thing Junmyeon needs is another maternal figure walk out of his life. 

“So four?” His eyes flicker up to Jongin again who’s looking back at him steadily. Jongin doesn’t have to fear him like a real employer; Sehun made it clear to him from the start that their relationship would always have to remain unprofessional like that. 

“I’ll look into it. Might take a couple of weeks to reorganize your calendar, though.”

Sehun nods, “Of course. Yeah. So you think you can do it?”

Jongin scoffs out a laugh and turns around to head out of his office. “You have so little confidence in me it’s honestly really insulting. Also I demand a raise, if I’m going to have to play boss around here one day a week.” 

He grabs a pencil from his desk and throws it on Jongin’s broad back. “Yah, I already pay you a ridiculous amount of money for a secretary! Have some decency. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re doing this for the money only!” But he’s really having trouble holding back the smile that is threatening to break out on his face. How embarrassing.  
Jongin leans down to pick up the pencil and tosses it right back at him, but misses by a huge margin that finally has Sehun bursting into laughter. “Well I’m certainly not doing this for your personality!” he huffs before marching out promptly. “You’re such a dick, Oh Sehun.”

*

As much as Sehun wants to know what exactly happened to Junmyeon before he came in his care, he has definitely been postponing the talk. He knows it’s going to be difficult and so he doesn’t feel too excited about it. Even though Chanyeol assured him it would be unlikely to do Junmyeon any harm, he’s still skeptical. He doesn’t want to see his son uncomfortable, or be the reason for his tears.

But eventually enough is enough. He knows that it has to happen, and with how young Junmyeon is he’s likely to start forgetting things soon. If he wants any answers, he has to get them now. Junmyeon being unable to give him any details won’t mean that these things magically stop pressing on his mind and heart, that they will stop wreaking havoc in his psyche. 

What excuse does Sehun have to be so afraid, when Junmyeon is only a baby and has to live with this burden already?

He sits down with Junmyeon one Saturday afternoon, and Junmyeon is already busy getting to play, shoving dolls in Sehun’s hands with ease now that he has grasped that it’s okay to do so. His daddy won’t mind him heavily coaxing him into play. But Sehun just sits there, the dolls still in his hands.

“Do you miss Mommy?” he asks, deciding to break the ice with the easiest question. Junmyeon glances up at him but doesn’t seem too concerned yet. He shrugs his small shoulders as he tucks the doll into bed meticulously. 

“No,” he admits, and a guilty look passes through his eyes before it’s gone as quickly as it came. “Jun doesn’t.”

“Is it because Mommy used to drink wine?” Sehun asks, hesitantly. “Or is there other reasons?” He doesn’t want to lead Junmyeon on with his questions too much, doesn’t want to bend him into the answers he wants to hear. Yet at the same time he’s aware of Junmyeon’s limited ability to voice thoughts and ideas, so he has to give him some form of support as well. 

“Mommy never played,” Junmyeon says instead. “Mommy never played with Jun.”

Sehun weighs this for a moment. “Did Mommy ever take care of you? Did she put you to bed? Wake you up? Make you breakfast?” “No.”

Junmyeon sounds sure of himself. His dark eyes are serious and honest, and Sehun has little reason to doubt that he’s just saying it for the sake of pleasing his daddy. This wouldn’t pass as evidence in court, but Sehun doesn’t need that. He just needs to know, and he needs to see what he has to do to help Junmyeon heal fully. 

“I see. That wasn’t very nice of her,” he says slowly. He needs Junmyeon to know that it wasn’t right- that feeling neglected and ignored is not alright. “Mommy shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t fair at all.” He leans in to kiss Junmyeon’s hair, and receives only a solemn nod in response. 

“Wasn’t nice,” Junmyeon confirms, rolling the toy car in his hand back and forth along the floor. The gesture looks anxious, and so Sehun pulls him closer until he’s seated in his lap. He hopes that it helps Junmyeon calm down, being close to him even as they have this difficult conversation. 

“Daddy knows. Daddy is really sorry Mommy did that.” He rocks Junmyeon from side to side gently, stroking his dark hair with his large hand. “It must have felt terrible. But it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t because you were bad, because you weren’t. You’re such a good boy, such a sweet little angel. You didn’t make Mommy do that to you. Alright?”

Junmyeon leans his head on Sehun’s chest, and gives another small nod and snivels his nose. Sehun isn’t sure if he’s crying or not, but he takes a pause to let Junmyeon sink that in. Or say something else if he wants; this conversation is for Junmyeon and it’s going to happen on Junmyeon’s terms. 

“Why Mommy left?” Junmyeon asks in a whisper just as Sehun is about to move onto the topic of his grandmother. Sehun pauses, holds Junmyeon that much tighter. 

He knew that Junmyeon would ask this question. If not now, then in the years to come. Of course he’d be curious as to why he only has his father. He’s likely to forget Seohyeon entirely as time passes- but there’s no hiding the fact that there should be a mother, somewhere. Sehun will probably have to keep answering this question over the years as Junmyeon grows and is able to comprehend more and more complex issues. 

At this age, at this point, he can’t tell Junmyeon the truth. Junmyeon doesn’t deserve a burden that heavy. Instead, Sehun will have to offer a version of the truth that is easy enough for the toddler to grasp. 

“She… She had something she needed to do, and she couldn’t take you with her,” he says, turning Junmyeon so that he can see his face at least. “And she knew that Daddy wanted to have you here very, very much, so she decided to bring you to Daddy. So now Daddy is going to take care of you, forever and ever. Daddy is always going to be with you.”

“Will Mommy come back?”

Sehun is not sure how to go about that either. He’s pretty sure she’s not coming back, not at least soon enough for it to matter to Junmyeon at this age, and he made sure she had no claims to the child anyway. She can return to Korea, but she has no right to see Junmyeon anymore. Come what may, Junmyeon is his. But what if…

It’s better not to second guess everything.

“No,” he says, trying to sound as definitive, firm as he can. “No she won’t. She knows you’re happy here, with Daddy. And she’s happy wherever she is, too.”

Junmyeon nods once more. He did say he doesn’t miss her. Maybe it’s not too shocking to him to hear that she won’t come back for him. It’s clear that he has adjusted well to life with his father and is happy here. Sehun knows that this won’t be the last time they talk about Seohyeon, that there may come a time when Junmyeon begins to wish that he did have a mother after all… But it’s yet another bridge Sehun is going to cross only when he comes that far. 

But their conversation is not over yet. 

“Do you miss your grandma?” Sehun prods, voice even softer now. “Mommy’s mom? The grandma who took care of you when you were still with Mommy?” This is the million dollar question. If Seohyeon didn’t raise Junmyeon, if she didn’t take care of him, then that means that the cursed grandmother must have- and whatever damage was done to Junmyeon was done by her. 

Junmyeon is quick to shake his head, and his eyes are fearful now. It’s saddening how just the mention of that woman still makes him scared, even though he has been safe from her for this long. “She took care of you, right? She made you food and dressed you, right?”

“Yes,” Junmyeon whispers and shuffles to get impossibly close to Sehun. Tremors go through his small body, and Sehun makes sure to hold him properly from head to toe, to assure him that he’s safe. There are no grandmothers here. 

He’s not sure how to word his next question. There’s no easy way to say any of the things that he must. “Did she ever hurt you? Did she ever do something that upset you?”  
Junmyeon rubs his face against Sehun’s shirt. “Yes,” and Sehun can hear how he’s close to tears. “Yes. Grandma… grandma hit Jun… and when Jun cried… Grandma hit Jun again… Boys don’t cry…”

His heart shatters into million pieces and they scatter into the acid of his stomach. His hold on Junmyeon tightens and as he blinks his eyes, his tears finally fall. They paint his cheeks and fall down onto Junmyeon’s black hair, sinking into the soft locks. He doesn’t ask for it, doesn’t invite it, but his imagination is quick to show how that would have looked like, how Junmyeon must have looked like- scared, neglected, crying for help. His sweet, sweet little Junmyeon. 

It’s beyond him how anyone could ever raise a hand against a child that small. 

“Shh,” he whispers to Junmyeon, rocking him again. “Shh… She’s not here, she won’t ever be here. No one will hit Jun again. Jun is safe. Daddy swears. Daddy pinky promises. You’re always safe here. You will always be… Daddy will always protect you. Daddy promises.” He can’t keep his tears out of his voice, but Junmyeon doesn’t seem alarmed and he just stays still in Sehun’s arms, clinging onto him with all his might. 

“You will never hurt again… never…”

How many times must Junmyeon been hit? He’s so meek, so hesitant to express negative emotion or to even want anything- he has gotten better, has gotten braver, but he still has ways to go if he’s ever going to be like Jongdae. Be a normal, happy child. But there’s hope. It’s what Chanyeol tells him constantly. Children this young are flexible, they adapt. They can make the wrongs right, it’s not too late. 

“Grandma won’t take Jun away?” It’s such a quiet question Sehun almost misses it entirely, but it makes him choke. Junmyeon said it with such urgency, and it’s proof enough that he’s legitimately worried. Perhaps he has feared this entire time- feared that this wicked woman would come for her, snatch him away. 

“No,” Sehun says, and he slips his hand into Junmyeon’s so they can wrap their pinkies around one another. “Daddy promises that too. You’re Daddy’s boy, and no one can take you away. No one. Daddy promises. Daddy will always take care of you. Daddy loves you.”

He knows that this conversation will haunt him in his dreams, but he’d rather have these things torment him than his son. 

*

Months fly by. Spring turns into summer and that edges into autumn, although autumns in Korea come warm and inviting and it takes a very long time before the weather actually turns any colder. Usually Sehun would care little for the passing of time like this; he keeps getting older but not much changes in his life, and work is always the same, mundane. He has little appreciation for the four seasons when he spends most of his time inside in air-conditioned buildings safe from the elements. 

But Junmyeon makes it different. Junmyeon is so young and so small that even a month can be enough for huge leaps in his development. He talks more, he expresses himself more, asks for more. Sehun has even witnessed a couple of tantrums from him, and as much as they confused him they also delighted him. As Chanyeol explained it to him, tantrums are Junmyeon’s way of not only learning how to cope with his own emotions but also a way to test his trust; will Sehun stick by him even if he’s difficult? Will Sehun stay and make it better, help him calm down and help him constructively work out his upset emotions?

It makes Sehun proud. Proud of how far they’ve come.

That is not the only thing, however. Junmyeon’s birthday is also here. He’s finally turning three years old, and since this is the first birthday Sehun is going to be there for, he has great plans. Junmyeon doesn’t have a lot of friends to invite and Sehun doesn’t like most of his own relatives thus limiting the number of guests. But in the end that’s not important for he knows Junmyeon doesn’t quite enjoy crowds anyway. What will make this birthday special is everything else. 

Sehun orders the cake specifically, customizing it and going all out to get a bunny shaped cake that resembles Min as much as possible. It’s an adorable sight when he has it delivered, and he’s glad Junmyeon is too short to open the fridge so the secret won’t be revealed prematurely. He also has Jongin order ornaments online, and firmly tells him to figure out where to buy helium balloons.

Jongin doesn’t disappoint. He shows up the night before Junmyeon’s birthday after Sehun has tucked Junmyeon into bed, and together they decorate the entire living room so that it’ll be ready when Junmyeon wakes up in the morning. Sehun has several gifts wrapped and piled up neatly, and he nervously hopes that Junmyeon will like all these. 

They work late into the night, tying ribbons and balloons in place as well as hanging decorations wherever they can. It looks really nice by the end of it all, and Sehun is quite pleased; he knows that his three-year-old son is going to be easier to appease than he himself, but that’s not the point. Everything just has to be perfect, because he has missed two birthdays already before this one. 

It’s past midnight when Jongin finally leaves with a promise to be back for the party tomorrow. Sehun tiptoes into Junmyeon’s bedroom to lift him out of bed and carry him into his own in a soft bundle of blankets and stuffed animals; he wants Junmyeon to wake him up as he does, so that they will discover the surprise together. He feels like a child before Christmas, the excitement making it hard to fall asleep, but he eventually does to the sound of steady, even breaths of his son right next to him.

Junmyeon pats Sehun’s face until he wakes up the next morning. He’s always very gentle when he wants his daddy to wake up for him, and his small, warm palms are light on Sehun’s face until he blinks his eyes. The little romper clad culprit giggles shamelessly, and Sehun cannot resist tackling him on the bed for a tickle attack until he has Junmyeon screeching and kicking wildly to try and wiggle away. 

“Happy birthday, Jun!” he sing-songs as he scoops Junmyeon up in his arms. Junmyeon giggles more and hugs his short arms around Sehun’s neck. “Jun is three,” he declares proudly, to which Sehun enthusiastically agrees.

“Let’s see if there’s anything special for the birthday boy,” he suggests, and carries Junmyeon out into the living room. Junmyeon is taken back by the sight of it all, speechless as he takes it all in. But Sehun doesn’t set him down yet.

“We’re going to wait for your friends before we celebrate properly,” he says, kissing Junmyeon’s cheek repeatedly. “Daddy is going to make you birthday breakfast now, and then we wait until everyone comes. Isn’t that fun?”

“Are those gift for Jun?” the boy asks, pointing his finger at the small pile of presents. Sehun nods once more. “They are. They’re all from Daddy. But we’re going to open them after breakfast, yeah?” He had thought about opening them only after the guests arrived, but he figured that he doesn’t want anyone to be upset because Junmyeon is the only one receiving gifts. That’s why he decided it would be the best if they opened them just the two of them.

For breakfast Sehun makes pancakes, much to Junmyeon’s delight. He can tell that the boy is brimming with excitement, and that makes Sehun’s heart soar. He doubts Junmyeon had very fun birthdays in the past, the total two of them. 

They sit down to open the presents still in their pajamas. Junmyeon does need quite a bit of help from daddy, but he’s not upset about it- he enjoys being babied and coddled, Sehun has noted, and even though he knows what his mother would say about it, he absolutely loves indulging his son.

Sehun got him mostly soft plushies because he knows those are the type of toys Junmyeon enjoys the most. He also got him a colourful plastic truck, but also more furniture for his doll house. But most importantly he got Junmyeon a jumpsuit that is meant to make him look like a bunny; it’s made from soft, fuzzy fabric, the hood has bunny ears on it and the back has a small bunny tail. The socks nonslip, so at least his little bunny will stay upright while sprinting along the hardwood floors. Junmyeon is instantly in love with it, and he just hugs the garment for good five minutes before insisting his daddy helps him put it on.

That’s how the guests find the little birthday boy when they arrive. Sehun has at least gotten decently dressed, so there’s that. He didn’t invite a whole lot of people; it’s just Chanyeol, Jongdae and his parents, Jongin, Baekhyun, Yixing, and his parents. Junmyeon and Jongdae have made some friends at the nearby playground, but Sehun just wanted to keep this small and comfortable. He wouldn’t have invited his own parents either but he felt like it would have been too cruel to shun them out, but he did stress the fact beforehand that his parents should give Junmyeon all the space he needed if they wanted to stay. 

Junmyeon is flustered but polite as he accepts gifts and congratulations and kisses, and then grabs Jongdae to show him all the new things he got this morning, not too interested in opening up the new gifts now that he has his friend here. Sehun ordered pizza a little earlier, and once it arrives Jongin helps him set it out in the kitchen so everyone can fetch themselves a slice. The boys are already so deep in their play they almost can’t be bothered, but they eventually decide to join the adults on the couches as well to grab a bite. 

It’s the least effort possible kind of party, but Sehun is really enjoying this. He realizes this is the first time the two sides of his life properly meet one another; the side with Junmyeon, where Chanyeol and Jongdae belong as well, and then everything else that used to be his whole life. Now, looking back, if he was given a chance to redo everything he wouldn’t choose any differently. He wouldn’t choose a life without Junmyeon, his little sweet bunny, his little rascal. Never. The love he has for his son could conquer worlds and cross galaxies, and he can’t imagine a life without him anymore. 

After they finish the pizza Sehun brings out the cake and everyone gathers around it as he lights the three candles. Chanyeol is holding Junmyeon, and he lifts him so that he can blow the candles- even if Chanyeol has to sneakily help him in the task over his shoulder. Sehun finds himself suddenly getting emotional, watching the scene, and he’s too busy trying to hide his tears to even think of taking pictures; later, when he hears that Baekhyun took care of that for him, he’s grateful. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget this moment, but he’s happy that there’s some sort of visual proof as well.

It’s after they have polished off the cake and everyone has left that Junmyeon climbs into his lap on the couch. He’s sleepy because it’s already past his nap time, and he curls up small in Sehun’s arms with a content little hum. 

“Did you have fun, Junnie?” Sehun asks, stroking the boy’s back gently. He can’t let him fall asleep here, he needs to be changed into his pullups for his nap, but he’ll cuddle him for a moment anyway. 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon replies sleepily, muttering his words against Sehun’s bicep. “Lots of fun.”

“Daddy is really happy to hear that,” Sehun responds, patting him on the bum. “Daddy wanted this to be a happy day for you.”

Junmyeon wiggles around so that he’s facing up and towards Sehun, although his eyes are at half-mast with how sleepy he is. “I love Daddy,” he murmurs, rubbing at his eye with his fist. “I love Daddy lots.”

Sehun’s heart feels like it’s about to come bursting out of his chest and fly up in the sky. Junmyeon has never said it to him, and Sehun didn’t think too much of it- he can’t remember if he ever said it as a child to his parents anyway, so maybe not all kids do. But he heard Jongdae say it to his mother, and that did sting a little… But then, he pushed the thought away. Whether or not Junmyeon said it out loud, Sehun still knew for a fact how much his son loved him.

That doesn’t change the fact that it made him tear up now, hearing it finally from his son.

“Daddy loves you too. Lots, and lots, and lots.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this was a ride. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to finish to be honest, because I haven't been able to do anything but write short drabbles for good three years now. I wasn't sure if this one was ever, ever going to reach its conclusion but I'm so glad it did. It's been an emotional ride, and I'm really happy that you guys have enjoyed it as well. I wasn't sure if anyone was going to want to read a fic without a romantic relationship but I'm glad I was proven wrong. Special shout out to Crush U by EXO-CBX and TACTIX by EXO because those are literally the two songs I would play on constant loop while writing.


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